That is what this AF is feeling like. I am not one to get much cramping with AF, but wow. For the past two days it really feels like I am being kicked repeatedly in the uterus. And - maybe too much info - but I have never bled this much either. I hope it starts to slow down a bit.
My follow up appointment is October 22nd. Which means there goes 36. I was convinced I would be pregnant before turning 37 - this was the year. Guess not. My birthday is Novemeber 8th. So there you have it, another year past with no pregnancy. Another year I blow the candles on the cake and wish as hard as I can.
I am trying to let go. I am trying get out of this funk and just gear up and get ready for the coming cycle. But hope is starting to slip away. Each cycle I was sure it was it, wasn't. What will be different this time?
I went to Wholefoods yesterday and stocked up on Wheatgrass. I was going to buy DHEA as well, but Scott is not comfortable with me taking it. So I will drink Wheatgrass this cycle and see if it will help the amount of eggs retrieved. Hopefully my Dr. will come up with a protocol that will also help.
I would love a FET cycle. My mom is convinced the one frozen from this past cycle is "our girl" because she is a fighter and the M woman were born fighters. I just don't want to defrost just the one and have "her" not make it. So I will wait until I have more.
I am trying to just let go and enjoy this shot free month, but I can't just yet. My mind is still wandering and wondering if there was anything I did to make this cycle a bust. I am more angry then sad, and I don't want to be angry. I just want to let go - but I can't.
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2 comments:
I think that your anger and your want keep you going in a way....if it werent for those two emotions, you might have stopped fighting....
You are so strong....it will happen.
Hang in there! IF sucks so much, it's just not fair. Why do good people have to go through this?
Anyway, I pray the wheatgrass helps and that this next cycle is the one!! ((HUGS))
P.S. You are allowed to feel sad, mad, etc. I think we have to go though those emotions before we can start to feel hopeful again. You'll get there and you will be a mommy one day!
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