Thursday, October 29, 2009

Made it to my goal!

Well, not officially yet since my shower is not until Sunday, but today was my last doctors appointment until then and things went great there. My b/p is still hovering on the border 140/80. Not great but not super elevated, not enough for the doctor to ship me to hospital bed rest at this point.

Dillon continues to do well. I got the pleasure of seeing him twice this week because he slept through the NST on Monday and was not moving about as much as they liked, so they had me go for an u/s to just check him. Of course, as soon as they unhooked me from the monitor I could feel him tapping his toes so was not worried at all. He really is pretty active most of the day, he deserves some down time! So we viewed him on u/s and he was great both Monday and Thursday. He scored 8 for 8 again.

My shower is this weekend and today I was surprised with a visit from my sister who lives out in California. Okay not a real surprise, because my mother can not keep a secret to save her life...e Shh, don't tell her I knew she was coming. BUT even still it is great that she flew all the way here to visit me. She told me she could not let me be pregnant without her seeing me! So sweet!

My shower is Sunday and I am starting to get excited. Not only for the shower itself but to get out of the house and socialize with people I have not seen in what feels like forever. Of course I am stalking my registry and a ton of things have been bought! So exciting!! Plus, I got a call today that my crib will be here next week!

Scott put a status update on his Facebook tonight, that caught me a little off guard. It read "Dillon will be here in 6-8 weeks" WOW! I am looking more at the 6 weeks, since the doctors have told me it was unlikely they would not induce me by then. SIX WEEKS! I am scared, nervous and excited all at the same time.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Thursday was much smoother

I got in and out within 2 hours. Dillon scored 8 for 8 in the u/s so he is still doing wonderfully and he weighs 3 pounds 6 ounces at this point, in the 40th percentile, which the u/s tech said was "normal". So all in all his growth is going good.

I am getting used to doing nothing. My mother gave me a weekend furlough to hang with my husband in my own home, which needless to say is nice. I am sneaking out next week to get my hair dyed and cut for my shower. Shhh - do not tell my doctor. I tried to get permission but when I asked if I could go any where, she shook her head. I can not see how a haircut would "hurt" though since I will be sitting in a chair, plus I will be driven too and from. Not much more activity then sitting on my sofa, and hair cuts can be relaxing!

My mom is a God send. I am so thankful to live near family to "take care of me" in times like these. She is doing my laundry, she has cooked all week and she is not even batting an eye. I have not lived home in close to 15 years so it is a weird for both of us... As my dad said "what happened to my empty nest". But he also has been great, driving me to and from appointments, picking me up my decaf iced Dunkin Donuts coffee each day (I am addicted), and taking care of my dog.

I know I spent the last week or so whining and I do not want to come across as a whiny brat. I was just got caught of guard with all of this since nothing really was different from the day I was working and going to the doctor to when I was admitted to the hospital to now when I am restricted to bathroom breaks. I guess I do not fully understand it. I will do whatever it takes to keep Dillon healthy. I just thought the whole thing was too much - too soon.

So one week and two doctors appointments until my shower. I guess 31 weeks and 5 days is my first goal. Almost there!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Doctors appointment from hell

First, as an agreement to my release I can not drive, so I am relying on my step dad to take me to and from appointments. I know it is a small thing but I hate relying on other people. I am 37 (38 in two weeks) and I have been reverted into the freshman in high school waiting for a ride. But I digress.

So we head to the appointment, 1/2 hour early as suggest by Dr. K so my b/p can settle down once there. We sit across from two 13 year olds, acting 13 - loud, obnoxious, the whole bit. I think to myself "Please God tell me she is not pregnant"...

I am then called in for my non stress test. Dillon is in a funky spot, lower right corner and the straps keep rising and flopping around not keeping the heart monitor thing in place. So she asks me to flip to my side. I do and it is a tad uncomfortable with the straps on my pants half down and my shirt half up. She covers me in a sheet, which just makes me hot and we listen to his heartbeat for about 5 minutes. He was sleeping, so she came with this buzzer thing and woke him up. He was jumping all around after that. I stay there for 1/2 hour and then she turns off the machine but tells me not to take off the monitor until she can show the results to the doctor. Okay.

About 5 minutes pass, I am really hot and uncomfortable at this point and can not wait for her to release me. She comes back, "the doctor wants a few more minutes" Great! So about 15 more minutes pass. She leaves with the results and then comes back and tells me to wait outside to see my doctor.

I go back out and the annoying teenagers are still there and still annoying. A few minutes later and older visibly pregnant woman (sad when I call someone about the same age as me older) come out of the office area and collects what I assume are her kids. Thank God! Not just for her getting them out of there, but that they were there with their parent and not for themselves!

Twenty minutes click by, still waiting. Still crowded. I am then called in. Weight check, take off my Uggs. 152 - yikes! Up 20 pounds so far. B/p check... 165/70. I freak a little, explain how this is my first time up since being on bed rest and how I have been there for two hours already... The nurse looks at me like I have 3 heads and doesn't seem to care. "The doctor will be in in a minute - here is your cup"

She leaves, I go pee in a cup and prepare my speech for when the doctor comes in. Another 15 minutes pass. It is now 4:15 for a 3pm appointment (they are never this bad)! Tick - tock.

Dr J comes in and says "let me retake your pressure, it was a little high when you came in" She takes it and it has fallen to 142/60, still in the high range and not where I know they want it. So I start my speech "I have been here now for 3 hours, it is my first day out since bed rest, I take my b/p at home and get 110/50 - 120/60 pretty consistently. BLAH BLAH BLAH" What I am really saying is please do not send me back please!

And the tears start flowing. I swear I am not a crier, at least I wasn't until the past few weeks.

Dr J looks at me sympathetically, she tells me she knows I want what is best for my little one after going through so much to get him. She then says "I want you to go next door and be monitored for two hours" She swears up and down she will not keep me but can't send me home with a high b/p... I look at the clock and it is now 4:30, so I will not be home until 7 and I was hungry then.

I go out to the waiting room and tell my step father to go home, I would call Scott to get me after he is out of work. Of course, tears are flowing. I reassure him all was fine and they just want more monitoring then I walk to the hospital. Mind you the whole way I am muttering "why is it okay for a person on bed rest to walk a block to a hospital and then a mile once in there (if you have never been to MGH it is like it's own city), but I can't go get a pedicure"

I go to L&D they hook me up again to the NST type machine, and to a b/p cuff that goes off every 10 minutes. The midwife on duty there comes in and asks why Dr. J sent me there and I explain I have doctor anxiety and my b/p is only high when I am in her office... She leaves as I sit and wait for the first b/p... 128/60 - already down. Next one, 120/60 and a third 120/60 again.

Okay can I go now?

A nurse comes in and does a blood draw for kidney function. She tells me that I will have to wait for the results. Ridiculous. This will be my 5th blood draw in about a weeks time and it has yet to come back with anything concerning.
I hear the midwife talking to the resident "she has doctor anxiety, let her leave and we will call with the results" ... he agrees!

I call Scott and he is there within 10 minutes and I am home for supper. No calls with bad results. Not surprisingly.

Next up is my appointment Thursday. I hope things go smoother.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Tomorrow is D day

So I have been out of the hospital since Wednesday afternoon. Things are going well. I do not feel any differently then I have been. I have been sitting on the sofa and lying in bed. Scott is wonderful and has been getting me all I need.

But, my blood pressure has been higher then it has been - 130/78 pretty consistently. This has been the highest it has ever been and I have been doing nothing.

I fear tomorrow will be my last free day. If I have to walk into my doctors office, most likely my b/p will be higher from just walking. If my pressure is high I will be admitted. In all honestly the hospital is not more boring then sitting at home. Yes, I have to deal with roommates, hopefully none that snore like trains. I also have the tiniest of bathrooms and showers, but if I should be admitted this time I know what I will need to bring to make my stay as homey as possible.

What I do not want is to miss my shower. This is the one thing I had been looking forward to. A right of passage of pregnancy in my mind. Something I have wanted for 7 years now. Of course, the health of Dillon out weighs everything. But if I am just sitting in a hospital and they do not do anything but monitor me, can I not have a shower too?

Tomorrow will tell me...

Friday, October 16, 2009

Day 2 at home

I love being home! It is so much more relaxing then worrying about being cordial to a room mate or having to be awake at 6am for a blood pressure check. Watching TV with Scott and having my shows DVR'd to catch up on at any time.

Scott is being great. Making me breakfast and lunch and taking care of the dog. I know it is not easy on him, but he is doing wonderfully.

My mom comes over two times a day to take my blood pressure, which for the most part has remained low. Except for yesterday when I was watching Scott play a video game and I got a little worked up. It is amazing how small things makes my pressure rise. So I learn what "stressors" to stay away from.

My mom is having me stay at her house next week when Scott goes back to work. She will not take any if ands or buts. So I will pack my bag and Scott and I will head over there. It is closer to his work so it is not out of his way, but the last thing he really wants is to hang at the in laws for weeks. Anything to keep me out of the hospital though.

I am worried they will send me back in. I want to make it to my shower in 2 weeks, but I need what is best for the baby. I have a NST on Monday and a growth u/s on Thursday. I will have those each week from now until the birth. If either of those 2 things show something off with the baby, I am done and the baby is cooked. They will induce me.

Right now, Dillon is moving around like a champ! So that is a little reassuring!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Hurry up and wait.

Doctors made rounds early this morning. Even before breakfast.

First they stopped at my roommates bed. You are going home, eat some breakfast, call your husband and get ready. We will have your discharge papers put together soon.

Next was my stop. I kind of cringe when I see them coming now. "Your b/p was low again this morning" (130/50) We discussed it and the kidney doctors (yes they do have a formal name but I can not say it, let alone spell it) and they want to run a couple more tests. After that you can go home on STRICT bed rest and continued monitoring two times a week. The next time you get admitted would be for good, so be sure to follow the orders.


So I call Scott and call my mother, who will take care of me when Scott is working. Then call my sister and tell her not to visit since I will be going in and out for tests and then breaking out.

Then I wait for the kidney doctors. And wait. You know the drill. At about 11:30 she comes in and tells me all she wants is some blood work then she agrees with the other doctors about busting me out. She takes my pulse, good again. She leaves and I expect the nurse any minute with her needle and bruise making devices. Nothing.... HELLO!!! Where are you?

So that is where I am right now. Lunch is about to be served. Ick. Hopefully this will be my last meal in the hospital and I can get this over with!

Tuesday came and went

And I am still staring at the same 4 walls I was all weekend.

The "Kidney doctor" came in this morning and asked a bunch of questions, had me pee in yet another cup and told me that she wanted to look at it herself in the lab. She would be back to discuss everything.

In the mean time, I got a new room mate. She also has Pre - E but her b/b is threw the roof higher then mine is. She needed to run a urine and wait for results as well. We sat and waited together. Lunch came and went, dinner too. Nothing. I kept telling myself that if they let her home, they had to let me home because my b/p is so much lower then hers. She even said my "high b/p" is lower then her low.

I called Scott and told him to come in so when they let me go I wouldn't have to wait for him. He came and watched the clock tick along with me. 5pm, 6pm, 7pm... not word. I assumed since they had not been around I would be stuck another night so told Scott to leave and bring me back clean clothes for tomorrow.

About 10 minutes after he left Dr K came in and stopped at the first bed of my roomie. He told her he wanted to monitor the b/p for 1 more day but could leave tomorrow if she promised to do strict bed rest. She agreed happily. On the way over to my bed, he tells her "I am afraid this one will not go as smoothly"... Hello WTF!

So he makes his way over and says he doesn't agree with the kidney doctors, he wants more tests run. It appears the kidney doctors think it is a strict case of Pre-E, the HR OB does not, since there is blood in the urine. He thinks there is underlying factors being brushed aside and wants all the i's and t's dotted and crossed. He asked if I could give him 2-3 more days to run tests that would be easier to run if I was still admitted into the hospital.

He also told me if it were to be a case of Pre E that he is concerned about my anxiety driven high B/P. Basically he says that people with steady increases in b/p do much better because the arteries increase over time. Because mine shoot up just when I am anxious, I am at a higher risk for a stroke or amulism (sp)? So if he were to send me home, I really can not get mad, drive, or do anything. 24/7 bed rest just like in the hospital and he does not want me to stay home alone either. He said that if that is what I want he will rally with the attending physician in the morning, but he can not make any promises. He also said if I left against their wishes that he would "respect" that and still treat me as an out patient, but he would be worried I would push myself too far.

That leaves me where I am now. At 5am after being awake since 2am because my roommate snores and weighing my options. If I stay here, uncomfortable, not able to sleep or eat what I want when I want, how healthy is it for my stress level? I tell you when I could not get back to sleep at 2am because of the chain saw in the bed next to me, my head was pounding and shoulders tense.

I pretty much am just here - there really is no medical intervention going on. They take my b/p at 6am, 10am, 2pm, 7pm and then about 10pm. I am asked if I am feeling the same symptoms every time they come into the room and my answer is "no". Rinse - repeat. I live 10 minutes from the hospital so there will be no major delay in getting me here if something should go wrong and I would agree to monitoring appointments 2-3 times a week. If my b/p should shoot up uncontrollably THEN place me back on bedrest. But not at this point. To me it just makes no sense to have me in a hospital bed for 11 weeks, especially when my levels are relatively low. My mother is a nurse and even suggested me staying at her house and she can check my b/p and take care of me.

So at the rounds tomorrow that is what I am going to ask them about. I can not rest and not sleep and be extremely uncomfortable much longer. I can't.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Monday is before Tuesday

The rounds with my doctor did not go so hot. She said she was hoping to spring me out today as a surprise but my urine came back with higher protein again - in the 1000's. She did says she will attribute the high b/p to the events of yesterday, if today's go back down to where they were and they are back down, but after all this she is baffled and is going back to her pre-e diagnosis.

I will still see a urologist tomorrow, she reran my liver function blood work and I am now peeing in a stainer in hopes to find some speck of a stone that I am passing. I am not hopeful for tomorrow at all. All I can see is this specialist wanting to run even more testing. I just wish I knew for sure what all this is!

Now for my daily whine:

I hate ALL the food here. The coffee tastes like it is 3 days old. I hate b/p check and being woken up at 6am to get a b/p check when technically I should be resting. I also am convinced my no roommate luck will be over by the end of the day and am sure I will get ZERO sleep tonight. I am having portobella mushrooms stuffed with Gorgonzola cheese. Sounds good doesn't it? I know it will taste like ass though.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Trucking along

This morning during rounds the doctor came to me and says all things considering she really does not think this is Pre E, she thinks the 2 elevated blood pressures of a couple of weeks ago were a fluke if anything. She said if all things check out they will release me on Tuesday... YAY

So some good news to start the day. And that is where good news leaves us for a bit...

I got a new roommate yesterday. Nice girl in her 20's with IUI twin girls at 24 weeks. She was in because her doctor from another hospital was concerned about her shortened cervix, but that hospital does not have L&D. She was given an IV and then steroid shots and was going to be released today on strict bedrest once she received her final steroid shot.

So she calls her husband to pick her up. He can not get in right away, so she asks the nurse if she can stay a few hours. "No problem, we will order you lunch and wait to do the discharge". So an hour or so passes, she goes to take a shower and comes out in pain. She pages the nurse, tells her she is having cramping... Next thing you know she is 3cm dilated. They need to get her on IV STAT to try to stop the contractions. They wheel her off upstairs.

This is the second roommate who went into labor. I was very concerned about the twin mama, she talked on the phone a lot, but she was a sweet girl calling her babies her "little women". The nurse came and told me she had delivered and the babies were doing good. I will continue to think of them and hope they will grow big and strong.

After all this went down, the nurse thought it great timing to take my blood pressure. 148/50. Well, wouldn't your blood pressure rise too! Not to mention I was watching the Red Sox! So the nurse said she will make note about everything that went on and hopefully the doctor will take that into consideration when checking the charts in the AM.

So next check (I get checked every 4 hours. sitting up and then lying down) she has me lie down, and my bp is in the 120/50. Good! She then starts talking about the labor process and how I will be a pro now since I got to watch it/listen 2 times now. Yadda Yadda... Sit up, my blood pressure is 142/55. Okay - you think we can not talk during checks any more?

All is right with my night check, a new nurse. Both times in the 130's. Getting lower. So I plan on chalking this up to 1 person delivering 2 babies, 1 devastating Red Sox loss and 1 devastating Patriots loss. I will wake up tomorrow and all will be right in the world. Plans will remain to let me out Tuesday! Fingers crossed.


Saturday, October 10, 2009

Waving a white flag

So forget my post from the other day, things changed quickly since then. No my "symtpoms" or lack there of remain the same, but how the doctors decided to proceed took a 180.

I got a call at 11 am on my way into work from Dr. Jolin. "I think at this point we are going to suggest admitting you" - Jaw Drop - "Your protein from yesterday rose a bit and shows a trace of blood in the urine, I know you b/p has been steady but that is something we want to take a closer look at too..." blah blah "So plan to be in there for either over night, the weekend or until the end of the pregnancy depending on what we find"

My first thought is how can I go from feeling good to 24 hour bedrest at a hospital. My next thought was crap, I am going to miss work. Third thought was I really hope I am not in the hospital for 2-3 months.

So I call work and tell them what is going down, then I call Scott and tell him he needs to take me in. He don't get it either. I start packing my bag, not even really knowing what to bring. I have a change of clothes for when I come home, my brush and toothbrush, my laptop cell phone and all my chargers. What else? Oh underwear, bra, hair tie, socks. Hmm do I need anything else?

We drive in, get checked in and put me in a room with someone in labor. So for the next 3 hours I am listening to her deep breathing in pain, the heart rate of her baby, and her family being annoying. Even me not being in labor thought they were annoying, I am sure she wanted to jump across the room and strangle them.

So we sit and wait, the doctor comes to talk to me. He says he is not 100% this is Pre E, but something is going on with the liver. He already ruled out a UTI at this point, now lets try a u/s on the liver to rule out infection or stones. He also wanted me to repeat the 24 hour urine test.

So I get wheeled down to the u/s lab like an invalid. They get a few picks of both kidneys, but could not get a complete view of my bladder with the little guys head popping into view every few seconds. "That will have to do" said the tech.

I get wheeled back to my room. Blood pressure if great at 110/60. Everything is great. So the nurse says "we will start your 24 hour urine first thing in the morning and I am sure they will let you go once those results are in" YAY, so I guesstimate by Sunday afternoon I will be home.

The woman in labor is transferred to the labor room. I have a private room for the night. I am also allowed to move over to the window bed. Room with a view of the Charles River and the sail boats! Much better the the green curtain and bathroom door!

I fall asleep to the Red Sox losing (grumble - grumble) and wake up at 6am to a nurse telling me to lets get this urine test started so I can get out of here. The first pee in a bucket of the day! I order breakfast, take my pills, watch some TV then the doctors on rounds come in...

My high risk doctor is there, Dr. K, he tells me that in yesterdays urine I had some crystals and more traces of blood. They could not see anything in the Kidney and the kidneys weren't infected, but it may be in the bladder, but since baby is blocking the view he can not say for sure. He thinks the best course of action would be for me to see a urologist. Of course he reminds me that he is not 100% ruling out PreE either at this point.

He also says since it is a long weekend the soonest the urologist would see me is Tuesday morning. Tears well in my eyes. He says he could discharge me but it would be at least 1-2 months before I would get an appointment with someone. Since I am in the hospital it is best I stay and am seen right away. More tears. The doctor says very soothing "you are not fighting off tears are you?" Bawl. "I do not want to stay here until Tuesday! If nothing is wrong I will do exactly what I am doing here at home"

He tells me that I tried very hard to obtain this pregnancy, and they are trying very hard to make sure they don't allow anything to go wrong. I most likely will be released on Tuesday, but he needs for me to continue with the 24 hour urine and have my b/p monitored. He said when they do release me I will need to be on bedrest at home. No sweat as long as I can breath fresh air again!

So that brings me to now at 5pm on Saturday. 2 more days of torture to go. The days seem to go by 3 times as long in this room. Oh and I have a new room mate. A girl pregnant with twin girls from IUI! She seems quiet enough and is here on bedrest too, so hopefully no contractions will be starting and tonight will be quiet!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Bi - weekly doctors appointment

For the past couple of weeks, I have been 'fit in' to any doctors spot that is open for my second appointment of the week. I feel like I know every single doctor in the practice. Which is a good thing, since when I go into labor I get which ever doctor is scheduled on L&D that day. The down side is I find I like some doctors more then others.

Yesterday I had a doctor that was not very personable. She seemed to be rushed. "Hi, I'm Dr. B, how you feeling - good - any symptoms (lists them off) - good - are you on bed rest - no, OH" I told her Dr. J said as long as my BP stayed down I could continue to work... "What do you do for work"... scribbles something in her notes. "What about steroids, has Dr J told you about wanting to give you steroids to prepare the babies lungs" no... silence. Could you elaborate??? It is something to consider in case you need to deliver early, I am sure Dr J will go over it with you"

Then at the end of the appointment she drops the bombshell that she and Dr. J will team up for my 'case'. They feel it better that I see the same doctors all the time rather then being shuffled around, since Dr. J is only there 1 time a week, I will need to see someone else as well. But I am not sure I like you Dr B, I thought. And I like Dr. J's plan of no bed rest... please do not collaborate with her and put me on bed rest when my BP is low, it was 130/70 yesterday.

Then she tells me to get my blood work redrawn to check kidney function... Took the blood girl two times to find my vein. At which point I lost it... "Is there a reason why NO ONE here can find my vein?" Then I took a breathe and realized she needs to stick me again. So in a more calm tone "I had my blood drawn all the time and no one had trouble, now that I am pregnant I can never get a clean blood draw, is it something with me being pregnant?" (or you people just SUCKING). "Oh that is weird" says the woman. Yep, weird.

So 2 pin holes and 2 bruises later I leave mumbling under my breathe, 2 more months, how many more blood draws could I possibly need in 2 months?

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Every baby needs a mural

When my sister got pregnant with here twins, I told her I would paint a mural for her nursery. She declined. In which I said, why not? Every baby needs a mural. Of course I had not painted anything in over 15 years at that point and she was nervous that I was basically talking out of my ass. I have always been pretty artistic, but in a way she was right. I never painted a mural before and although I would try my hardest to get it just right I had no idea if it would come out how my mind perceived it should.

So 7 years later I am blessed with my miracle. My first thought was to look on the internet for wall paper murals. My expensive taste kicked into gear and everything I liked was way over budget for something that would only be on a wall for 4-5 years, if that. Then I discovered Elephants on the Wall, paint by number murals. It looked pretty easy and from all the costumer comments it was easy. Plus it fit into the budget and one of their series fit into my nursery theme. So why not?

I ordered it. Once it arrived I was afraid I got myself over my head. Scott secretly was scared it would turn out looking like stick figures... Well I am very pleased by the finished product and so is Scott!

Monkey will be hanging out to the right of the crib:

Hippo will be standing on top of a bookcase (as soon as we put it together):
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Giraffe and friends will be to the left of the changing table/ dresser:

Elephant is playing hide and seek behind the door:

And momma giraffe is watching out for everyone from up high:

So the largest and scariest project is now out of the way. Now the wait continues for the crib, which hopefully will be here any day now!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

My almost New Year's baby will be here for Christmas

I had a follow up OB appointment yesterday and asked her what the chances of me going the full 40 weeks will be with preeclampsia. She told me that there would be a 99% chance that they will induce me at 37 weeks since the risk of staying pregnant after that point would be too high. She also told me that I may even be induced earlier dependent on how fast the preeclempsia progressed. Because the on set started fairly early in the pregnancy, there may be a need to induce earlier. Either 32 or 34 weeks.

At this point they will do everything in their power to allow me to get to 32 weeks. Which means either bed rest of hospitalization with BP meds if things get to be bad enough to warrant it. At this point, I will continue to be monitored two times a week on an outpatient bases because everything is on the lower end right now. She did however warn me that preeclampsia can progress rapidly, so to be prepared.

My head was spinning when I left the office. It caught me off guard and made me realize that I only have less then 2 months before Dillon is here and there is still so much left to do. His crib isn't even here yet. The nursery is far from close to complete. I do not have anything and was waiting for after the baby shower to add on to what I may need. My shower is at my first goal mark of 32 weeks and that is 4 weeks away.

Christmas shopping. I need to get some things for our families and now for baby. Yes Dillon will not realize if Santa does not make his presence this year, but I always imagined the "Baby's first" orniment on the tree and the cute little Christmas outfit. Yes, all of this is irrational to a point, but it was the first thing I focused on. I know our families woulf understand if I were to be placed on bed rest or give birth and not get them a gift. I do know that.

Not to mention if I should go on bed rest. Who will take care of the house and the food and the dog. Scott has always been wonderful, but I hate to leave the burden on him. Add to that the burden of the bills being paid and me not working for an additional couple of months. Also, Scott starts a new job and we will be paying Cobra for insurance coverage for the first couple of months. All of which would be okay with two incomes. Tight, very tight, on just one. I know financially we have been able to make it before and we will again. I just was really not planning for this. Does anyone really?

I know I need to breath and go with the flow and stop over analyzing everything. I am a worrier, that is what I do. So for the last day I have spent half the time worrying and the other half over analyzing every pain or twinge I may have felt so I can call the doctor if symptoms start.

32 week is my first goal. I can make it to the first goal. Breath!