Friday, July 31, 2009
She kept saying at the funeral that all Rich wanted was to see the baby. It brought me to tears every time. I wanted that for him so much as well.
Scott and his brother Glen were strong at the funeral. For Scott he said he prepared for this day when his father went into the hospital over 4 months ago. He knew his father was not strong enough to come back from this. His brother Rick did not take it as well. He broke down along with his mother. The week of tears ended. Scott told his mother to take it day by day. That is all that she or anyone could do.
Onto the upswing. Today was our scheduled ultrasound. The BIG ultrasound where we would find out the sex of the baby and if he/she was healthy. I was nervous all week for this. It was a bad week to start and bad things happen in clumps. At least for me they do. It was mostly all I could think about once the funeral was over.
I woke up this morning at about 7am and waited the 6 hours for my ultrasound. Scott was excited, too. We made our way in and got the head shot, all measured well. Arms waving, check. Then down to the legs. The baby was sitting Indian style, with legs crossed and as the tech put it. The baby really loves this position, because he would not uncross those legs for anything. I went up walked around, went to the bathroom came back. Nope. Cross those legs again. Poke, prod, walk. Finally baby uncrosses his legs to reveal his penis. The tech did not say anything. I said "It's a boy" She said "yep, no doubt about it" Scott smiled silently. He more enjoyed the baby sitting Indian style and asked the tech if she got a picture of him like that... Nope! All that time and she didn't freeze anything. Oh well.
On the car ride home Scott said he was happy that his boy was healthy and he would have been happy with a healthy girt too. I then said I can now buy Patriot's gear and the biggest grin came over his face! Then I asked about the name, we had dabbled with the idea of naming him after his father and now it was a given Richard Scott it is...
So there it i, life full circle I guess.
Monday, July 27, 2009
The family had to make the decision and this time it was clear that there was no hope for recovery. They stopped life support early Saturday morning. It was quick, almost with in seconds and he left us peacefully.
My heart breaks for my husband, his brothers and espescially his mother. The brothers seem to be holding out well, the mom not so much. It will be a hard week with the wake and funeral. I pray for them.
I want to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers through all the ups and downs of this. It has meant a lot. He was in the hospital for close to 5 months, it was a hard fought battle and now he is at peace.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
My heart raced. Should I call in sick? No breathe Krissy, breathe. Check again. Nothing. Okay all is right. Is it? Check 100 more times in the next hour. No blood. Okay it is okay. Get ready for work, checking again in between doing every routine task. Nothing. Phew. Go to work. Continue checking every 10 minutes. Stretching pains in uterus. Panic. No it is alright. Right? Breathe.
I haven't had anything since, on and off stretching pains on my right side near the belly button. Nothing that has me hunched over in pain, I think normal stretching, but after seeing a spot of blood, nothing is "normal", you over annualized everything. No more blood since? So what was that. I have a yeast infection, so maybe I irritated it?
I am not going to call the doctor, the last bleeding scare I had she told me that it would be possible to have more spotting and not to worry unless it was heavier then before. Well, it was way lighter, so why am I freaking out? I have my big u/s in less then 2 weeks. I can make it. Come on little one, I need one of your thumps more then ever!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
People say you sometimes can feel the baby move starting at 15 weeks, but usually with your first you don't "know" it IS actually the baby. Well, I have grown accustomed to searching for things to feel different, and this most definitely felt like nothing I have ever felt before. Thump. Even if it is not the baby, it is now! I have felt stretching, I have felt light menstrual cramps, never ever a thump though!
So here I am not as I type this hoping to feel that thump again. Come on little one, if that was you thump again!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
He has been in the hospital/rehab for 4 months now, went in a week before we got our ET. I went to see him last Saturday and they were teaching him how to speak while on a ventilator, he was so proud that he could say "hi" and was in really high spirits. He felt my tummy (the only person I would allow to touch it) and when I left he had a huge smile. He is just so proud and excited for his first grandchild.
Then Wednesday he took a turn for the worse. He started to hallucinate, the doctor thought it was because of a sleeping pill they had given him. Then in the next couple of days he became unresponsive. They transferred him to a hospital and ran all the usual tests. He had an infection, thought because of one of his various tubes. Turns out he is septic and his blood pressure is frighteningly low. The doctors said they are doing everything they can, but things do not look good and basically said that if his blood pressure does to rise, he may have a week at most.
He has been a miracle since the day they brought him in, originally they told us he was brain dead. He proved them wrong time and again. This time, though, I am afraid we are all out of miracles. I pray that I am wrong, like I was before.I am devastated for my husband, his father was the one who kept his family together (his mom can be a bit of a nut case - to put it mildly). I wanted him to meet his grandchild, and with each miracle I started to believe he would. We find out the sex in 2 weeks and I don't want my husband to be going through this right now, it is supposed to be a happy time, but it is not. I am devastated for him and I wish there was more I could do then just vent about it.
So once again I am soliciting prayer, they have worked before. Hoping God has it in him to answer them one more time.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
I feel those pangs when I listen to girls who get pregnant "naturally" talk about their second and possible third children and how they plan on spacing it apart just right. Angry at mothers who are carrying their second and do have that perfect space apart. Angry that I will never have that. Angry that I am even thinking past this one on to another one, because I know there may never be another. Forget about the "oopsies"!
I remember reading about m/c on the 1st tri board and how hopeful those women who were suffering were about return "shortly". There would be no hope for me if something horrible like that happened. Of course no one should suffer that pain, but what a different pain to feel knowing you may have a shot at returning "shortly"
I hate feeling like this and wonder if it will ever go away. Will I ever return to the old Krissy? I want her back!