Friday, December 11, 2009

Home sweet home!

Dillon was released two days ago from NICU after I did a mandatory sleep over. I was never told about the sleep over until the night before so was caught off guard. I did not understand the need since I was usually there for about 10 hours a day to begin with, but I sucked it up and went packed a few things and headed in. There is no food allowed in the NICU, the hospital cafeteria closes at 8pm. When I can't have food that is when I find myself the hungriest! Also, some shotty design of the NICU is that the only bathroom is located in the hallway, so you need to be buzzed in and out when you have to go. Not to mention the pull out bed was a vinyl brick. So feeling like a prisoner and the beeps and boops and nurses talking loudly in the halls made it impossible to sleep. Dillon was a little lamb, as always. Waking in time for his 3 hour feedings and falling back asleep on cue.

I had planned to go to the store and pick up the formula the doctor suggest we use and some preemie outfits for Dillon. That did not happen so I instructed Scott to grab the newborn outfit we originally planned to use as his coming home outfit. It swam on him (pictures will be added soon) but it did the trick.

Working on adrenaline we were excited to finally be home that is until my little lamb turned into some wretched fire breathing dragon! He would not lie in his crib for longer then an hour without screaming. I rocked him, put him down and then pressed the repeat button. All night long! Scott helped as much as he could, but he had to return to work the next day and needed sleep too. Not sure how he could get any, but he managed a few hours.

The next day I was visited by the visiting nurse. She asked me how things were going and I told her about the night we had. She told me it was common for NICU babies to need time to adjust to their new surroundings, that sometimes the house can be too quiet after living in NICU for weeks. She gave me pointers about keeping the lights on and being the same noisy self we used to be before baby came home. Also, at night to play a radio so it was not dead silent in the house (advice given to me already by a message board I frequent).

Well that did the trick. Dillon had a much better round two! He is back to being my little lamb, so far.

Of course the two days of zero sleep affected me and I turned into a fire breathing dragon by 7pm last night. I was trying to get Dillon's car seat set with the Bundle Me since he has a doctors appointment on the coldest day of the year so far. Well, simple instructions and a over tired mama do not mix well. I had a nervous breakdown and took it out on the car seat. Scott heard me in the mud room and came to save the day.

He told me to go to bed, he would handle the next few hours and the Bundle Me. Next thing I know I woke at 1am freaking out that I didn't hear Dillon cry. I ran to the nursery and there they were. My two favorite men swaying back and forth on the glider. I told Scott how I didn't hear him cry and Scott said proudly "That is because he didn't", he then told me to go back to bed and he will finish the job. My shift would start at the 4am feeding.

This morning I woke up refreshed and Dillon is now adjusting well to his new home. He went right back to sleep after his 4am and 7am feedings and is now lying in the crib liking his new mobile. They don't have those in the NICU!

We are off for our first outing today with a doctors appointment at 1:45. Wish me luck getting him dressed and ready and on the road!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

All drama is done

So Scott dealt with his brothers and mothers. G is the godfather. Enough said and enough drama for a lifetime.

Dillon is getting ready to come home. During rounds yesterday the doctors said he is on track to come home before the end of the week. They would definitely keep him today, but if all goes well ... no specific date. I told the nurses and doctors it sucked to get a specific date in mind, have that day come and go into the room to see a set back making it impossible to take him home. So they respect that and told me that they will take it one day at a time and let me know when the are confident he WILL come home.

So on talking to the doctor, they are looking for a weight increase in the next day or two. If he continues to feed the way he has been all is looking good.

I can not tell you how relieved I am to have an end in site. I am so tired of going to the hospital daily. I spent enough time there before the birth.

Scott got a cold, we think the same reaction from the N1H1 flu shot I got. A week after I got mine, I had a sinus cold. Same exact thing Scott has now a week after his shot. He does not want to go to NICU to see Dillon. I do not want to risk getting him sick either. So hopefully Scott will feel better in a day or two when it is time to bring Dillon home!

Oh and today is Dillon's "scheduled birthday". We have estimated due date, induction due dates and his actual birthday. Today is induction day. We have the date circled on the calender with DILLON'S B-DAY written on it. And it crossed off as well.

On a funny note:

I was talking about wanting a mothers pendent for Christmas a few month ago. I told Scott the one I wanted and then forgot about it. Scott and I were talking about birthstones a couple of nights ago and how I was now stuck with yellow topaz again (my birthday is in November). Scott's eyes got very big and when I asked what was wrong, he told me he had ordered the pendant the week before Thanksgiving because it said it would take 3-4 weeks to get it engraved with Dillon's name. He ordered the wrong stone obviously and there are no returns because of the engraving.

So for Christmas I will have a beautiful mothers pendant. Heart shaped with Dillon's name and a birthstone... Not his, but at least it is blue. Blue for Boy?

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Monster in law strikes again

For the past week I have had to listen to her complaining about how she has yet to see "her baby". I have not even been able to hold MY baby for more then an hour at a time and YOU need to bitch and complain about how because of the strict NICU guidelines of only letting parents in, how you can not see him. I am worried about him keeping food down and getting strong enough to come home, but let me stop everything and listen to you whine and feel sorry for YOU.

Next, and this is a biggy. You think the choice of godfather is all wrong so why not manipulate to get what YOU want!

Here is the back story:

My FIL passed away 5 months ago, as you may remember. MIL lives with her 43 year old socially inept (to put it mildly) son R, who can not take care of himself because his mother and father have cooked every meal, done every load of laundry and paid every bill you have EVER had.

When my husband and I were deciding on who would be a good fit for godparenting roles we decided that the best fit would be his other brother G. First off, G is a responsible adult, takes care of himself and would be a wonderful roll model in our child's life. He is wonderful with children, and everything we want for our son. Also, Scott and G are close and that was important to me as someone who will continuously be in my child's life. We are happy with our choice.

So on Thanksgiving Scott thought it would be a great time to talk to G about having him be the godfather. G was THRILLED and honored and accepted the role. We announced it to the family (MIL and R were there). Enough said.

Flash forward to a little over a week later. Dillon is now here. 7 days old.

Scott gets a call from G saying he thinks the better choice would be R for a godfather and although he is honored, he does not want to accept the role! So Scott talks to him further and this is what comes out of his mouth "Well R has taken dads death pretty hard, so I think having him be godfather will lift his spirits"


I am sorry but I am sure all the brothers took the death of the father hard. I also think since R lives with his mother, he may have taken it harder because he was centered on the father being around and also needs to deal with his mothers emotions. BUT having him be godfather is not something to cheer someone up with! It is a commitment and responsibility. Plus, he is and always will be an uncle. If that alone can not cheer him up - well sorry you need to get into some type of grief counseling. Your father was sick for a very long time, he passed away and it is horrible and sad and cruel, but life does go on for the living. Yes, he is missed by all of us. I wish Dillon could have been able to meet is grandfather, but he is not a tool to cheer people up.

Now, why I am blaming my MIL in all of this... The same exact thing happened when Scott was deciding who would be best man for our wedding. He chose his best friend K. For months we listened to his mother say the right thing would be to have her son R be the best man (How so? Scott and R do not even talk to each other). Blah Blah. We are talking serious pressure on Scott to change his mind. So I can totally picture the ride home on Thanksgiving (G was driving) and her going on and on about the "right thing" being R as the godfather. Giving G the guilt trip and making him feel guilty and placing him in the middle of everything.

So Scott tells me all this and I lost it. Totally and completely lost it, I was in NICU and I think I was too loud, because a nurse popped her head in. I told him in no uncertain terms that if G backs out on being a godfather then we will not have ANY godfather. I will not be manipulated!

7 days. Dillon has been here for 7 days and already the drama will not stop. I am stressed and tired and we will create boundaries. Scott does not need this shit, I do not need this shit, so enough already!!!


On a happier front, Dillon did well on his feeds yesterday. He had pulled his feeding tube out the night before 3 times, so I had a talk with him and said he would not need that thing if he just eats more. So it appeared he listened because he went the whole day without it being replaced.

He is on the schedule for his circ. on Monday. The doctor will not set a hard day for him to come home. I will not set a hard day for him to come home (we had 2 dates so far that have come and gone). Let's just say, they require you to remain in the hospital for 1 day after a circ. - So he will be home soon!

Dillon after ripping out his feeding tube for the third time Friday:

Friday, December 4, 2009

A few more days to go!

Dillon is continuing to do wonderfully. He gained an ounce, although it is mostly because they had been force feeding him and given him IV fluids for 5 days.
He has been steadily increasing is formula intake the last couple of days. He gets the concept of eating, but all the work gets him sleepy. If we keep him up and awake he will eat, the challenge is keeping him awake!

He is alert and beautiful though! He looks all around and has some head control. He is not a crier, the nurses say we got really lucky and so far he appears pretty laid back. I only really heard him cry twice so far. Once was when the were pealing off one of his leads and the other was when he was getting his sponge bath.

The game plan is to have him be ready for release on Monday. They shut off his lights and will check his body temp and Billy Rubin counts. He will be on a monitored diet and needs to eat more then 30cc at each feeding. If he continues to do that Monday he will come home! 1 day before his scheduled birthday!!!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

I am home, Dillon is not and guilt

I was released yesterday. I am still sore but doing better each day.

Dillon is getting better as well. He went from being on a respirator the first day to breathing 100% room air since. He needed lights, mostly because of all the bruising on his face. They say his kidneys will need to work overtime to fix the broken capillaries and by placing him on lights it helps prevent jaundice. Last night they took him off and are hopeful he can stay off, but will test him each day. He prefers the lights off. He loves being swaddled and is a lot more calmer now then what he was for the past two days.

He has begun eating formula, I had made the decision to exclusively formula feed far before he was born and now that I can not be there with him all day, I am glad I did make that decision. He needs to bulk up and learn to feed before he is released so this will help. He ate 16cc last night and is a champion drinker!

Finally, he is on day 3 of a 7 day course of antibiotics that are given through IV. They ran additional testing to make sure there are no signs of infections. If that comes back negative, he will be off the IV Saturday and if he continues to do well, he may be coming home to us by this weekend.

Now that I am home without him I feel this incredible sense of guilt. I need to wait for a ride to the hospital because I can not drive myself. My dad will take me in but he needs to work until noon each day. So all morning long I have been struggling with not being there for my child. I also feel guilty because I do not even really feel as though he IS mine right now. Like I am some babysitter going in for 2 hour shifts here and there. I have not had much bonding time with him and need more, but am not sure when I can get more. It is so incredibly hard. Harder then I imagined.

When I was in the hospital, I was looking forward to real food and a real shower and bed. Now that I am here, I would give anything to be just 3 floors up from him and an elevator ride away.

I am not sure how mothers of 24-25 week preemies can make it through the months of torture this one day has been. I am hoping it will get easier as the days pass and that he will be home soon.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

November 28, 2009

Dillon is here.

I was not expecting to be typing that for a little over a week. But I was never good with sticking to plans and it looks like my son feels the same way.

***warning this will be graphic, I am sharing the whole birth story****

Friday was like every other Friday after Thanksgiving. My father came by at about noon with my decaf ice coffee and left over turkey that I had forgotten at his house the night before. I heated it up, had some lunch and then went to take a nap.

I had lied down and was flipping and flopping for about 1/2 hour before I nodded off. I slept for about a half hour when I felt a gush of water. I ran to the bathroom thinking I lost all bladder control. No, that is not it. I do not have to pee, but the water kept coming. I looked in the toilet and there was some pink blood. HOLY SHIT. Breath. Okay what do I do. Oh, call the doctor.

I call and it is considered a holiday, no one was on and I got the messaging service. I tried speaking calmly to whoever answered. He asked me what my last name was and I forgot how to spell it, he asked for my hospital ID number, the one I have used for about 4 years now at every monitoring blood draw and appointment through IF and pregnancy... umm BREATH! Okay, I got through that. He tells me he will call the on call doctor and I should hear something in the next 10 minutes.

Next I call my mother and Scott. Yes, right now Scott is not letting me live it down that I called her first. But what is done is done. She is calming, been through it before, is a nurse and all that. Scott, when I called said "are you sure?" So yes, I called my mother to make sure I was sure.

My mother, father and Scott are both on their way to my house. I did not pack a bag, that was on the agenda for the weekend. So I go and try to get things together. All the while I am still leaking fluid and filling pads fast. My mom gets there and tells me to sit down. She attempts to fill the bag but can't find anything. I tell her I will do it, but she yells at me to sit. I listen.

Scott comes in about two minutes later. He then goes to finish packing the bag. He got the leash on the dog and gave the dog to my father so he could watch them. Then my mother, Scott and I head to the hospital.

Scott drops me and my mother out in front while he parks the car. We both tell him not to forget the bag. As we walked in I kept feeling more gushes of water. Honestly, it amazes me how much water was in there! In the elevator it felt as though my pants were soaked. I was looking at my mother rolling my eyes as people were piling on the elevator. How embarrassing, but hell you are never going to see me again!

I go to triage and get undressed, at this point it is 3:30 in the afternoon. They told me not to wear underwear, but did not put anything absorbent on the bed. I am done caring at this point and just get undressed and hop on the bed. Scott comes in and then a couple of minutes later a midwife comes in to check for amniotic fluid. As she said, there is not doubt. So she sends us down to the delivery room. The nurse greats us and tells us it was slow this weekend so we have the "VIP room". It is a pretty large room with great views of the city skyline and Charles River. But, if I was Giselle and Tom Brady, I think I would expect more. But alas, I am not so I am just glad they had more then one reclining seat so my mom and Scott can both get comfy.

I lie on the bed and get an IV and attached to the baby monitors. I still can not feel contractions, but according to the monitor I am definitely having them. The doctor then comes in and explains how they will monitor my blood pressure and if it goes to high they will give me magnesium to lower it. He also tells me that because my water broke, they would like me to deliver in less the 24 hours to prevent the risk of infection to both myself and Dillon. He said he would watch labor for the next couple of hours, but if things didn't progress he would give me a drug to speed up the contractions. He said the drugs will be administered slowly and most likely we would not be seeing much progress until the morning, so he told me to get some rest.

So the next hour was pretty uneventful I asked Scott for the bag... he forgot it in the car. He also forgot the camera! We always forget the camera! We agreed that he could make it to home and back before anything happened. So he leaves.

At about 7pm the doctor decided to start the contraction drugs. I told him I wanted to wait until Scott was back and he should be here any minute. He agreed to wait, but told me to tell the nurse as soon as he walked in. The nurse came in and started to prepare everything. She told me to sit up in a chair for a bit, because once the drug was in, they would want me to stay in bed. I went to the bathroom, rocked in the chair and waited for Scott to come back.

In he walked, the nurse called the doctor, the doctor came and looked over everything and administered the drug. He also took my blood pressure, which was not bad, all things considering, 152/78.

I felt my first contraction about 10 minutes after the drug was in the IV. It was mild, but I felt it. A big change from the past couple of hours. I was feeling it every 10 -15 minutes to begin. Then steadily at 10 minutes, 8 minutes, 5 minutes. Mostly the pain was in my back. It felt as though I was sitting on a knife stabbing me in the back repeatedly. At about 10pm, I looked at my mother and said I really would like the epidural. She told me, that it would be a long night if I had the epidural now. The nurse came in and said I looked really uncomfortable and she would be able to get me something to help me relax in between contractions. I agreed to take that and it did help for about an hour. I was able to nod off in between the contractions but it was not enough. I begged my mother again for the epidural. Again she said she didn't think it was time.

Scott, by the way, was my silent rock. He was there holding my hand, giving me water and making silly jokes because he was nervous. Oh and eating all the Italian Ice.

At about 11pm the doctor came in to check my progress. He did an internal and he said "oh my, you are 90% effaced already" At that point, I said "It isn't too late for the epidural is it" ... No, thank God! So they called the anesthesiologist to get it all started.

Let me tell you! I never ever ever would have been able to make it through without this wonder drug. I am by far a wimp, but why go through torture when you don't have to!
So with the epidural in, we began pushing. But after the first set of pushes the contractions slowed down, so the doctor decided to give it an hour for more steady contractions. I took a nap and prepared.

At about midnight I started my 3 hours of active pushing. I could not feel my right leg and not move it at all, my left leg had some feeling to it so I could at least lift it when it was time to begin the pushes. Scott was frozen at the start of everything. He had no idea what to do. In hind sight, I probably should have signed us up for birthing classes, just for his sake but what was done was done. My mother started coaching me, Scott paced back and forth.

I pushed and I pushed. I napped in between contractions. I got cold flashes and hot flashes, I threw up and I bled. All the time though my blood pressure stayed pretty low. About an hour into it, Scott finally figured out what to do. During a push all of a sudden out of no where he screamed "come on Krissy push you can do it!"... Of course I laughed instead of pushed because it was not expected at that point. He then took over for my mother and did a pretty great job. Rubbing my back and my head, getting me water. He was amazing!

All that pushing and Dillon was not moving. He was also face up. The doctor said he could try to turn him which may help the progression. So in she went to try to turn him. She did fairly quickly and we began pushing again. She mentioned forceps, but I wanted to try on my own. Still nothing after another hour of pushing. At about 2:30, the doctor again suggested forceps. She said she could see the head, and it could be over in no time if we used the forceps. At that point I was spent both emotionally and physically and wanted to meet my son, so I agreed.

They called in the anesthesiologist to boost the epidural so I would not feel the forceps. They then set everything all up with clamps and all the doctors piled in the room waiting for Dillon's arrival. After 2 pushes the doctor said "next one, give me a nice big push and you can meet your son". At that point I busted out in tears and gave it my all. Out he came... and not crying!

I was looking over at the pediatricians and could not see what they were doing. I sent Scott over and he watched then came back and said it was okay, but I still could not hear him cry. My mother was watching and I was trying to read her facial expressions. All the while I was being sutured up. Everything seemed to be taking forever... until I heard it, I heard him cry!

The wrapped him up and I got to hold him for 1 minute and then the whisked him away again. All this and I was still being sutured. "How many stitches are there?" I asked... "Oh we don't count" Turns out I have a third degree laceration and far too many stitches to count, but pain meds are a wonderful thing!

I kept asking about Dillon and everyone assured me he was fine but because it was such a traumatic birth he would need some air just for a while. He was in shock, but at 35 weeks he should be just great.

He was on a respirator for 24 hours and is now breathing room air. He seems to be doing great, but they need to get him to feed a little first before going home. I am being discharged in the morning. He most likely will be here for another couple of days.

I am actually healing pretty well. Sore and swollen and bleeding (although that has let up a lot). But it was all worth it. Every ounce of pain I feel is worth it when I hold Dillon or see Scott holding him.

Dillon, Mom and Dad on his 2 day old birthday, respirator free and a little bruised from being face up.

PS - Thanks Flower for helping me fix the cutoff picture!

Monday, November 23, 2009

I am going to whine for a minute...

I am super achy. It feels like I ran a marathon and all I have done today was get up 62 times to pee, take a shower and my big adventure to the doctors office.

I used to be a very active person who was always moving. To now being stuck in bed. My bones, joints and muscles are really feeling it. I am starting to hate my once cozy bed and soft and comfy couch. HATE THEM!

I am so afraid once I do have the baby that I will be so not used to doing anything that I will become lazy and/or not have as much energy as I used to. Just looking at the stroller at this point and I can not imagine being able to lift it because I haven't lifted anything heavier then a 12oz water bottle in 8 weeks!

I want to take a nice long shower - but I can't because I will start seeing spots, which is my cue to sit down and relax.

I have 2 weeks to go and I think I am starting to get antsy now that I see the end in sight. I am so proud I made it this long out of the hospital when all bets were off of me making it past 34 weeks. I am so thankful Dillon is growing big and strong.

I just want the next two weeks to hurry up and get over with!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

All about the hubby!

Nothing new really on the medical front. I am hanging in there with 3 weeks to go. My urine is acting up again, with traces of blood in it. I am doing another 24 hour urine, but my doctor said the blood could be coming from the cervix and not to be overly concerned unless I experience pain, which I am not! So I keep on keeping on...

I did decide to share with you how incredible and supportive Scott has been through all this. Not only does he put up with my parents daily because they are watching over me during the week when he is working. But he does EVERYTHING I ask without batting an eye. That is a lot considering I can not do anything myself.

We spent this weekend finishing the nursery products. The swing, and all the baby stuff is now put together or put away until we need them. The room is almost complete, he needs to wash the babies sheets and clothes this weekend. Put in the car seat and get it inspected.

I can not tell you how much I love him through all this! I am incredibly thankful for every second of everyday we share together. He is so excited and so nervous for Dillon's arrival. Mr. Laid Back is finally showing some of that nervous "I am about to be a dad" energy.

My mom was talking to him about the labor process and he said "I read that in the book" (the book he claimed he did not read).

I can not wait to share this whole process with him. Scared, but excited. He looks at every u/s picture in amazement. He always says "I think he looks like me" when showing them off to friends. He is a proud papa already! I can not wait for the day he gets to hold Dillon in his arms for the first time. I cry thinking about it now, I am sure I will explode the day it happens for real!

It was a long seven years. A lot of ups and downs along the way. Sometimes we were at a crossroad and questioned if we would ever make it while dealing with the horrors of infertility. The last two years we were more united then ever and it gets better everyday! I am so thankful that we fought to stay together and now are so much stronger for it. I am really not sure how couples who get married and then push out their first babies within the year survive. We have learned so much about each other during these years. That is something positive I can now look back on through the years of dealing with infertility.

Friday, November 13, 2009

9 more doctors appointments before induction day

Well. So much for being free and clear. Just when you think things are going well. My last 6 appointments showed my protein levels back down to normal levels. My b/p was getting lower at doctor visits. Everything smooth as silk.

Then I went to my appointment yesterday and there are traces of blood in my urine again. It could be a sign of my kidneys acting up again, it could be a UTI. So first thing first is to hope for the UTI. I took another sterile pee and am waiting for the results. Most likely it is not that, I do not have any UTI symptoms and like last time, I feel fine. So I will end up having to do another 24 hour urine on Monday... and it continues.

Well, my first goal was 32 weeks, my next goal after that was 34. Tuesday is 34, so I guess if I needed to go back in the hospital I should be proud that I made it this far. I can make 3 weeks in a hospital, so much better the 2-3 months! But I am jumping the gun. Maybe just maybe all will be okay enough for me to remain on home bedrest. Fingers crossed!

In good news, I had a growth scan today. Dillon is getting big, he gained a pound since my last one 3 weeks ago. He is now 4lbs 6oz. The doctor said he meets all the percentages, so that is good. I maybe can guesstimate him being a pound heavier in 3 more weeks. So a 5lb 6oz baby is not so bad for 37 weeks?

The u/s woman killed me today. Did the usual measuring of his head, stomach, femur. Looked at his heart, kidneys spine. Now for practice breaths. Dillon can be stubborn when he knows people are watching. He takes one quick breath and then stops (too cute). So we wait for him to start more. The u/s tech jiggles my belly - nothing. Well lets try giving CPR to the kid while he is inside... Out of no where pound pound pound on my belly. OUCH! She says "sorry". Needless to say it did not help him want to breath! Jiggle, pound (softer then the first time), jiggle. All I can do is hold my breath (that will make him breath right?). Come on little guy breath and help end this torture! Five minutes go by and finally he breaths. Of course I felt like I just went through a boxing match when it was over!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I'm 38 now...

My birthday was this past Sunday. Pretty laid back event all things considered. The night before Scott ordered a to go mail from our favorite local restaurant. We ate and then watched a movie on pay per view.

Sunday my girl friends can over and D made cupcakes, we ordered Pizza and watched Sex and the city.

All in all a good weekend!

So I am 38. Ouch, it hurts!!!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Shower details

My mom and sister(s) hosted my shower. I put the S in parenthesis because I was not supposed to know my younger sister was flying out from California to be here. My mom can not hold a secret, so it did slip about a week before. I needed to act surprised when she got there... I tried but acting is not my thing.

I had about 60 people on my invite list. All but 3 people RSVP's they would be there. Out of that, 5 people just didn't bother to show and one person called my mom to tell her she was getting sick and did not want to risk spreading her germs.

We had my shower at a local private clubs function facility. My theme was jungle and my mom and sisters did a great job in decorating. The centerpieces were yellow and orange daisies they had orange and yellow table clothes all around. Definitly not your run of the mill blue for boy shower - thank goodness.

They had a game set up at the table. It was for people to match the answers to mine. Some of the questions and answers were very generic and based on my situation of knowing I will deliver early and knowing I am infertile I could not answer very easy. For example, it asked when I would have another child: a)1 year b) two years c) Heck no I am done.

Sorry but I could not bring myself to circle an answer. I would LOVE to say in 1-2 years but God forbid people hold me to it and I get the "so are you pregnant yet" comments in another year. In reality it may be I am done without the "heck no" because we will never be able to afford IVF again unless some miracle lottery winnings are in my future. BUT at the same time I am not going on birth control and hoping for a miracle.

So anyway, I stared at this quiz for the longest time and turned to my sister and said ... mmm this is silly do you have anything else? Yes she did, a word search and the guess how big my stomach is game. Everyone played after dinner.

My mom had appetizers of shrimp cocktail, cheese and crackers and veggies and dip for the first hour as people were arriving. My mother in law was over an hour late... stuck in traffic because of construction that Scott warned them about. Oh well. at least she made it.

The main course was an Italian buffet, meatballs, stuffed shells, chicken broccoli and ziti, sausage caccatori (sp) and eggplant parmigiana. She ordered way too much food for about 50 people but got to go containers for everyone to take some food home.

For dessert we had assorted pastries and the cake. Now the cake was awesome. Done last minute because the original cake maker (a cousin of one of my friends) needed to back out from making the cake a week before for a family emergency. So my sister scrambled to find a cake maker that could do something in a jungle theme without it looking like a kids birthday cake. This is the end result:

I thought it was awesome and everyone loved it!! Oh, it tasted good too =)

I got a ton of gifts. It amazes me the generosity of my friends and family. We got about 30 things off the registry, mostly the larger items which helps a ton. And clothes. Tons and tons of clothes - so much that Dillon is all set for the first 6 months of his life, and then some. I think I can do 3 clothing changes a day for a week and not have to do laundry!

One very cool presentation of a gift was a diaper bag. There was 2 strings hanging out. When you opened the bag and grabbed the strings, it was a clothes line filled with outfits:

Everyone had a great time. I was exhausted when it was all through.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Wow I am slacking on the updates

Sorry, I have been busy. Hard to believe a person on bed rest could be busy, but in my mind I am. I am also ordering those around me whom I love dearly around, and that takes up a lot of time =)

So the shower went wonderfully. I got so much clothes, I doubt Dillon will wear them all. At least I will not have to do laundry for him for a couple of weeks at a time =) Most everything is new born size, then some are 3-6 months. Sitting going through everything amazed me.

The shower was great. My friends and family seemed to have a great time. I had a great time, although I could not move around and mingle as much as I would have liked. I was exhausted when it was through though and conked out on the sofa for the rest of the night.

Next day I had my OB appointment. Blood pressure the same, protein lowered to with in normal range - Woohoo. So I asked Dr. J if that meant I could continue on until I am in labor. Nope, the benefits of baking the bean longer is not worth putting me at risk past 37 weeks. So she scheduled me for induction. I go into the hospital December 8th and hopefully will have no problems being induced so I can meet my little one.

I am scared and excited. I am also looking forward to getting off this sofa. Dillon and I may have to take some trips to the mall to get out of the house once this is all through!

That brings me to my busyness. I need to get things done. I went through the clothes and figured out what needed washing right away. I order Scott around telling him where to put everything in the nursery. I gave him a "Daddy to do" list a mile long of everything that needs to be done in the next 4-5 weeks, including cleaning the house (it is starting to look like a bachelor pad), putting the car seat bases in the cars and putting together the swing, and everything else that needs putting together. I want all the boxes out of the nursery and I want it looking like a real room before I go in the hospital. Easy if I were to do it. Not so much for Scott who has been doing EVERYTHING and I am super thankful to have him taking such good care of us!

Next, my crib arrived. Making the crib would have been on the list. But there is a problem. The headboard has a huge scratch on it. Wonderful! So I called the furniture place and they will be sending someone by next week to look at it. They could either re-finish it or order me a new headboard. Frustrating and aggravating, but hopefully they can take care of it before Dillon comes home.

So that is a week in the life of a bed rest soon to be momma!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Made it to my goal!

Well, not officially yet since my shower is not until Sunday, but today was my last doctors appointment until then and things went great there. My b/p is still hovering on the border 140/80. Not great but not super elevated, not enough for the doctor to ship me to hospital bed rest at this point.

Dillon continues to do well. I got the pleasure of seeing him twice this week because he slept through the NST on Monday and was not moving about as much as they liked, so they had me go for an u/s to just check him. Of course, as soon as they unhooked me from the monitor I could feel him tapping his toes so was not worried at all. He really is pretty active most of the day, he deserves some down time! So we viewed him on u/s and he was great both Monday and Thursday. He scored 8 for 8 again.

My shower is this weekend and today I was surprised with a visit from my sister who lives out in California. Okay not a real surprise, because my mother can not keep a secret to save her life...e Shh, don't tell her I knew she was coming. BUT even still it is great that she flew all the way here to visit me. She told me she could not let me be pregnant without her seeing me! So sweet!

My shower is Sunday and I am starting to get excited. Not only for the shower itself but to get out of the house and socialize with people I have not seen in what feels like forever. Of course I am stalking my registry and a ton of things have been bought! So exciting!! Plus, I got a call today that my crib will be here next week!

Scott put a status update on his Facebook tonight, that caught me a little off guard. It read "Dillon will be here in 6-8 weeks" WOW! I am looking more at the 6 weeks, since the doctors have told me it was unlikely they would not induce me by then. SIX WEEKS! I am scared, nervous and excited all at the same time.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Thursday was much smoother

I got in and out within 2 hours. Dillon scored 8 for 8 in the u/s so he is still doing wonderfully and he weighs 3 pounds 6 ounces at this point, in the 40th percentile, which the u/s tech said was "normal". So all in all his growth is going good.

I am getting used to doing nothing. My mother gave me a weekend furlough to hang with my husband in my own home, which needless to say is nice. I am sneaking out next week to get my hair dyed and cut for my shower. Shhh - do not tell my doctor. I tried to get permission but when I asked if I could go any where, she shook her head. I can not see how a haircut would "hurt" though since I will be sitting in a chair, plus I will be driven too and from. Not much more activity then sitting on my sofa, and hair cuts can be relaxing!

My mom is a God send. I am so thankful to live near family to "take care of me" in times like these. She is doing my laundry, she has cooked all week and she is not even batting an eye. I have not lived home in close to 15 years so it is a weird for both of us... As my dad said "what happened to my empty nest". But he also has been great, driving me to and from appointments, picking me up my decaf iced Dunkin Donuts coffee each day (I am addicted), and taking care of my dog.

I know I spent the last week or so whining and I do not want to come across as a whiny brat. I was just got caught of guard with all of this since nothing really was different from the day I was working and going to the doctor to when I was admitted to the hospital to now when I am restricted to bathroom breaks. I guess I do not fully understand it. I will do whatever it takes to keep Dillon healthy. I just thought the whole thing was too much - too soon.

So one week and two doctors appointments until my shower. I guess 31 weeks and 5 days is my first goal. Almost there!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Doctors appointment from hell

First, as an agreement to my release I can not drive, so I am relying on my step dad to take me to and from appointments. I know it is a small thing but I hate relying on other people. I am 37 (38 in two weeks) and I have been reverted into the freshman in high school waiting for a ride. But I digress.

So we head to the appointment, 1/2 hour early as suggest by Dr. K so my b/p can settle down once there. We sit across from two 13 year olds, acting 13 - loud, obnoxious, the whole bit. I think to myself "Please God tell me she is not pregnant"...

I am then called in for my non stress test. Dillon is in a funky spot, lower right corner and the straps keep rising and flopping around not keeping the heart monitor thing in place. So she asks me to flip to my side. I do and it is a tad uncomfortable with the straps on my pants half down and my shirt half up. She covers me in a sheet, which just makes me hot and we listen to his heartbeat for about 5 minutes. He was sleeping, so she came with this buzzer thing and woke him up. He was jumping all around after that. I stay there for 1/2 hour and then she turns off the machine but tells me not to take off the monitor until she can show the results to the doctor. Okay.

About 5 minutes pass, I am really hot and uncomfortable at this point and can not wait for her to release me. She comes back, "the doctor wants a few more minutes" Great! So about 15 more minutes pass. She leaves with the results and then comes back and tells me to wait outside to see my doctor.

I go back out and the annoying teenagers are still there and still annoying. A few minutes later and older visibly pregnant woman (sad when I call someone about the same age as me older) come out of the office area and collects what I assume are her kids. Thank God! Not just for her getting them out of there, but that they were there with their parent and not for themselves!

Twenty minutes click by, still waiting. Still crowded. I am then called in. Weight check, take off my Uggs. 152 - yikes! Up 20 pounds so far. B/p check... 165/70. I freak a little, explain how this is my first time up since being on bed rest and how I have been there for two hours already... The nurse looks at me like I have 3 heads and doesn't seem to care. "The doctor will be in in a minute - here is your cup"

She leaves, I go pee in a cup and prepare my speech for when the doctor comes in. Another 15 minutes pass. It is now 4:15 for a 3pm appointment (they are never this bad)! Tick - tock.

Dr J comes in and says "let me retake your pressure, it was a little high when you came in" She takes it and it has fallen to 142/60, still in the high range and not where I know they want it. So I start my speech "I have been here now for 3 hours, it is my first day out since bed rest, I take my b/p at home and get 110/50 - 120/60 pretty consistently. BLAH BLAH BLAH" What I am really saying is please do not send me back please!

And the tears start flowing. I swear I am not a crier, at least I wasn't until the past few weeks.

Dr J looks at me sympathetically, she tells me she knows I want what is best for my little one after going through so much to get him. She then says "I want you to go next door and be monitored for two hours" She swears up and down she will not keep me but can't send me home with a high b/p... I look at the clock and it is now 4:30, so I will not be home until 7 and I was hungry then.

I go out to the waiting room and tell my step father to go home, I would call Scott to get me after he is out of work. Of course, tears are flowing. I reassure him all was fine and they just want more monitoring then I walk to the hospital. Mind you the whole way I am muttering "why is it okay for a person on bed rest to walk a block to a hospital and then a mile once in there (if you have never been to MGH it is like it's own city), but I can't go get a pedicure"

I go to L&D they hook me up again to the NST type machine, and to a b/p cuff that goes off every 10 minutes. The midwife on duty there comes in and asks why Dr. J sent me there and I explain I have doctor anxiety and my b/p is only high when I am in her office... She leaves as I sit and wait for the first b/p... 128/60 - already down. Next one, 120/60 and a third 120/60 again.

Okay can I go now?

A nurse comes in and does a blood draw for kidney function. She tells me that I will have to wait for the results. Ridiculous. This will be my 5th blood draw in about a weeks time and it has yet to come back with anything concerning.
I hear the midwife talking to the resident "she has doctor anxiety, let her leave and we will call with the results" ... he agrees!

I call Scott and he is there within 10 minutes and I am home for supper. No calls with bad results. Not surprisingly.

Next up is my appointment Thursday. I hope things go smoother.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Tomorrow is D day

So I have been out of the hospital since Wednesday afternoon. Things are going well. I do not feel any differently then I have been. I have been sitting on the sofa and lying in bed. Scott is wonderful and has been getting me all I need.

But, my blood pressure has been higher then it has been - 130/78 pretty consistently. This has been the highest it has ever been and I have been doing nothing.

I fear tomorrow will be my last free day. If I have to walk into my doctors office, most likely my b/p will be higher from just walking. If my pressure is high I will be admitted. In all honestly the hospital is not more boring then sitting at home. Yes, I have to deal with roommates, hopefully none that snore like trains. I also have the tiniest of bathrooms and showers, but if I should be admitted this time I know what I will need to bring to make my stay as homey as possible.

What I do not want is to miss my shower. This is the one thing I had been looking forward to. A right of passage of pregnancy in my mind. Something I have wanted for 7 years now. Of course, the health of Dillon out weighs everything. But if I am just sitting in a hospital and they do not do anything but monitor me, can I not have a shower too?

Tomorrow will tell me...

Friday, October 16, 2009

Day 2 at home

I love being home! It is so much more relaxing then worrying about being cordial to a room mate or having to be awake at 6am for a blood pressure check. Watching TV with Scott and having my shows DVR'd to catch up on at any time.

Scott is being great. Making me breakfast and lunch and taking care of the dog. I know it is not easy on him, but he is doing wonderfully.

My mom comes over two times a day to take my blood pressure, which for the most part has remained low. Except for yesterday when I was watching Scott play a video game and I got a little worked up. It is amazing how small things makes my pressure rise. So I learn what "stressors" to stay away from.

My mom is having me stay at her house next week when Scott goes back to work. She will not take any if ands or buts. So I will pack my bag and Scott and I will head over there. It is closer to his work so it is not out of his way, but the last thing he really wants is to hang at the in laws for weeks. Anything to keep me out of the hospital though.

I am worried they will send me back in. I want to make it to my shower in 2 weeks, but I need what is best for the baby. I have a NST on Monday and a growth u/s on Thursday. I will have those each week from now until the birth. If either of those 2 things show something off with the baby, I am done and the baby is cooked. They will induce me.

Right now, Dillon is moving around like a champ! So that is a little reassuring!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Hurry up and wait.

Doctors made rounds early this morning. Even before breakfast.

First they stopped at my roommates bed. You are going home, eat some breakfast, call your husband and get ready. We will have your discharge papers put together soon.

Next was my stop. I kind of cringe when I see them coming now. "Your b/p was low again this morning" (130/50) We discussed it and the kidney doctors (yes they do have a formal name but I can not say it, let alone spell it) and they want to run a couple more tests. After that you can go home on STRICT bed rest and continued monitoring two times a week. The next time you get admitted would be for good, so be sure to follow the orders.


So I call Scott and call my mother, who will take care of me when Scott is working. Then call my sister and tell her not to visit since I will be going in and out for tests and then breaking out.

Then I wait for the kidney doctors. And wait. You know the drill. At about 11:30 she comes in and tells me all she wants is some blood work then she agrees with the other doctors about busting me out. She takes my pulse, good again. She leaves and I expect the nurse any minute with her needle and bruise making devices. Nothing.... HELLO!!! Where are you?

So that is where I am right now. Lunch is about to be served. Ick. Hopefully this will be my last meal in the hospital and I can get this over with!

Tuesday came and went

And I am still staring at the same 4 walls I was all weekend.

The "Kidney doctor" came in this morning and asked a bunch of questions, had me pee in yet another cup and told me that she wanted to look at it herself in the lab. She would be back to discuss everything.

In the mean time, I got a new room mate. She also has Pre - E but her b/b is threw the roof higher then mine is. She needed to run a urine and wait for results as well. We sat and waited together. Lunch came and went, dinner too. Nothing. I kept telling myself that if they let her home, they had to let me home because my b/p is so much lower then hers. She even said my "high b/p" is lower then her low.

I called Scott and told him to come in so when they let me go I wouldn't have to wait for him. He came and watched the clock tick along with me. 5pm, 6pm, 7pm... not word. I assumed since they had not been around I would be stuck another night so told Scott to leave and bring me back clean clothes for tomorrow.

About 10 minutes after he left Dr K came in and stopped at the first bed of my roomie. He told her he wanted to monitor the b/p for 1 more day but could leave tomorrow if she promised to do strict bed rest. She agreed happily. On the way over to my bed, he tells her "I am afraid this one will not go as smoothly"... Hello WTF!

So he makes his way over and says he doesn't agree with the kidney doctors, he wants more tests run. It appears the kidney doctors think it is a strict case of Pre-E, the HR OB does not, since there is blood in the urine. He thinks there is underlying factors being brushed aside and wants all the i's and t's dotted and crossed. He asked if I could give him 2-3 more days to run tests that would be easier to run if I was still admitted into the hospital.

He also told me if it were to be a case of Pre E that he is concerned about my anxiety driven high B/P. Basically he says that people with steady increases in b/p do much better because the arteries increase over time. Because mine shoot up just when I am anxious, I am at a higher risk for a stroke or amulism (sp)? So if he were to send me home, I really can not get mad, drive, or do anything. 24/7 bed rest just like in the hospital and he does not want me to stay home alone either. He said that if that is what I want he will rally with the attending physician in the morning, but he can not make any promises. He also said if I left against their wishes that he would "respect" that and still treat me as an out patient, but he would be worried I would push myself too far.

That leaves me where I am now. At 5am after being awake since 2am because my roommate snores and weighing my options. If I stay here, uncomfortable, not able to sleep or eat what I want when I want, how healthy is it for my stress level? I tell you when I could not get back to sleep at 2am because of the chain saw in the bed next to me, my head was pounding and shoulders tense.

I pretty much am just here - there really is no medical intervention going on. They take my b/p at 6am, 10am, 2pm, 7pm and then about 10pm. I am asked if I am feeling the same symptoms every time they come into the room and my answer is "no". Rinse - repeat. I live 10 minutes from the hospital so there will be no major delay in getting me here if something should go wrong and I would agree to monitoring appointments 2-3 times a week. If my b/p should shoot up uncontrollably THEN place me back on bedrest. But not at this point. To me it just makes no sense to have me in a hospital bed for 11 weeks, especially when my levels are relatively low. My mother is a nurse and even suggested me staying at her house and she can check my b/p and take care of me.

So at the rounds tomorrow that is what I am going to ask them about. I can not rest and not sleep and be extremely uncomfortable much longer. I can't.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Monday is before Tuesday

The rounds with my doctor did not go so hot. She said she was hoping to spring me out today as a surprise but my urine came back with higher protein again - in the 1000's. She did says she will attribute the high b/p to the events of yesterday, if today's go back down to where they were and they are back down, but after all this she is baffled and is going back to her pre-e diagnosis.

I will still see a urologist tomorrow, she reran my liver function blood work and I am now peeing in a stainer in hopes to find some speck of a stone that I am passing. I am not hopeful for tomorrow at all. All I can see is this specialist wanting to run even more testing. I just wish I knew for sure what all this is!

Now for my daily whine:

I hate ALL the food here. The coffee tastes like it is 3 days old. I hate b/p check and being woken up at 6am to get a b/p check when technically I should be resting. I also am convinced my no roommate luck will be over by the end of the day and am sure I will get ZERO sleep tonight. I am having portobella mushrooms stuffed with Gorgonzola cheese. Sounds good doesn't it? I know it will taste like ass though.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Trucking along

This morning during rounds the doctor came to me and says all things considering she really does not think this is Pre E, she thinks the 2 elevated blood pressures of a couple of weeks ago were a fluke if anything. She said if all things check out they will release me on Tuesday... YAY

So some good news to start the day. And that is where good news leaves us for a bit...

I got a new roommate yesterday. Nice girl in her 20's with IUI twin girls at 24 weeks. She was in because her doctor from another hospital was concerned about her shortened cervix, but that hospital does not have L&D. She was given an IV and then steroid shots and was going to be released today on strict bedrest once she received her final steroid shot.

So she calls her husband to pick her up. He can not get in right away, so she asks the nurse if she can stay a few hours. "No problem, we will order you lunch and wait to do the discharge". So an hour or so passes, she goes to take a shower and comes out in pain. She pages the nurse, tells her she is having cramping... Next thing you know she is 3cm dilated. They need to get her on IV STAT to try to stop the contractions. They wheel her off upstairs.

This is the second roommate who went into labor. I was very concerned about the twin mama, she talked on the phone a lot, but she was a sweet girl calling her babies her "little women". The nurse came and told me she had delivered and the babies were doing good. I will continue to think of them and hope they will grow big and strong.

After all this went down, the nurse thought it great timing to take my blood pressure. 148/50. Well, wouldn't your blood pressure rise too! Not to mention I was watching the Red Sox! So the nurse said she will make note about everything that went on and hopefully the doctor will take that into consideration when checking the charts in the AM.

So next check (I get checked every 4 hours. sitting up and then lying down) she has me lie down, and my bp is in the 120/50. Good! She then starts talking about the labor process and how I will be a pro now since I got to watch it/listen 2 times now. Yadda Yadda... Sit up, my blood pressure is 142/55. Okay - you think we can not talk during checks any more?

All is right with my night check, a new nurse. Both times in the 130's. Getting lower. So I plan on chalking this up to 1 person delivering 2 babies, 1 devastating Red Sox loss and 1 devastating Patriots loss. I will wake up tomorrow and all will be right in the world. Plans will remain to let me out Tuesday! Fingers crossed.


Saturday, October 10, 2009

Waving a white flag

So forget my post from the other day, things changed quickly since then. No my "symtpoms" or lack there of remain the same, but how the doctors decided to proceed took a 180.

I got a call at 11 am on my way into work from Dr. Jolin. "I think at this point we are going to suggest admitting you" - Jaw Drop - "Your protein from yesterday rose a bit and shows a trace of blood in the urine, I know you b/p has been steady but that is something we want to take a closer look at too..." blah blah "So plan to be in there for either over night, the weekend or until the end of the pregnancy depending on what we find"

My first thought is how can I go from feeling good to 24 hour bedrest at a hospital. My next thought was crap, I am going to miss work. Third thought was I really hope I am not in the hospital for 2-3 months.

So I call work and tell them what is going down, then I call Scott and tell him he needs to take me in. He don't get it either. I start packing my bag, not even really knowing what to bring. I have a change of clothes for when I come home, my brush and toothbrush, my laptop cell phone and all my chargers. What else? Oh underwear, bra, hair tie, socks. Hmm do I need anything else?

We drive in, get checked in and put me in a room with someone in labor. So for the next 3 hours I am listening to her deep breathing in pain, the heart rate of her baby, and her family being annoying. Even me not being in labor thought they were annoying, I am sure she wanted to jump across the room and strangle them.

So we sit and wait, the doctor comes to talk to me. He says he is not 100% this is Pre E, but something is going on with the liver. He already ruled out a UTI at this point, now lets try a u/s on the liver to rule out infection or stones. He also wanted me to repeat the 24 hour urine test.

So I get wheeled down to the u/s lab like an invalid. They get a few picks of both kidneys, but could not get a complete view of my bladder with the little guys head popping into view every few seconds. "That will have to do" said the tech.

I get wheeled back to my room. Blood pressure if great at 110/60. Everything is great. So the nurse says "we will start your 24 hour urine first thing in the morning and I am sure they will let you go once those results are in" YAY, so I guesstimate by Sunday afternoon I will be home.

The woman in labor is transferred to the labor room. I have a private room for the night. I am also allowed to move over to the window bed. Room with a view of the Charles River and the sail boats! Much better the the green curtain and bathroom door!

I fall asleep to the Red Sox losing (grumble - grumble) and wake up at 6am to a nurse telling me to lets get this urine test started so I can get out of here. The first pee in a bucket of the day! I order breakfast, take my pills, watch some TV then the doctors on rounds come in...

My high risk doctor is there, Dr. K, he tells me that in yesterdays urine I had some crystals and more traces of blood. They could not see anything in the Kidney and the kidneys weren't infected, but it may be in the bladder, but since baby is blocking the view he can not say for sure. He thinks the best course of action would be for me to see a urologist. Of course he reminds me that he is not 100% ruling out PreE either at this point.

He also says since it is a long weekend the soonest the urologist would see me is Tuesday morning. Tears well in my eyes. He says he could discharge me but it would be at least 1-2 months before I would get an appointment with someone. Since I am in the hospital it is best I stay and am seen right away. More tears. The doctor says very soothing "you are not fighting off tears are you?" Bawl. "I do not want to stay here until Tuesday! If nothing is wrong I will do exactly what I am doing here at home"

He tells me that I tried very hard to obtain this pregnancy, and they are trying very hard to make sure they don't allow anything to go wrong. I most likely will be released on Tuesday, but he needs for me to continue with the 24 hour urine and have my b/p monitored. He said when they do release me I will need to be on bedrest at home. No sweat as long as I can breath fresh air again!

So that brings me to now at 5pm on Saturday. 2 more days of torture to go. The days seem to go by 3 times as long in this room. Oh and I have a new room mate. A girl pregnant with twin girls from IUI! She seems quiet enough and is here on bedrest too, so hopefully no contractions will be starting and tonight will be quiet!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Bi - weekly doctors appointment

For the past couple of weeks, I have been 'fit in' to any doctors spot that is open for my second appointment of the week. I feel like I know every single doctor in the practice. Which is a good thing, since when I go into labor I get which ever doctor is scheduled on L&D that day. The down side is I find I like some doctors more then others.

Yesterday I had a doctor that was not very personable. She seemed to be rushed. "Hi, I'm Dr. B, how you feeling - good - any symptoms (lists them off) - good - are you on bed rest - no, OH" I told her Dr. J said as long as my BP stayed down I could continue to work... "What do you do for work"... scribbles something in her notes. "What about steroids, has Dr J told you about wanting to give you steroids to prepare the babies lungs" no... silence. Could you elaborate??? It is something to consider in case you need to deliver early, I am sure Dr J will go over it with you"

Then at the end of the appointment she drops the bombshell that she and Dr. J will team up for my 'case'. They feel it better that I see the same doctors all the time rather then being shuffled around, since Dr. J is only there 1 time a week, I will need to see someone else as well. But I am not sure I like you Dr B, I thought. And I like Dr. J's plan of no bed rest... please do not collaborate with her and put me on bed rest when my BP is low, it was 130/70 yesterday.

Then she tells me to get my blood work redrawn to check kidney function... Took the blood girl two times to find my vein. At which point I lost it... "Is there a reason why NO ONE here can find my vein?" Then I took a breathe and realized she needs to stick me again. So in a more calm tone "I had my blood drawn all the time and no one had trouble, now that I am pregnant I can never get a clean blood draw, is it something with me being pregnant?" (or you people just SUCKING). "Oh that is weird" says the woman. Yep, weird.

So 2 pin holes and 2 bruises later I leave mumbling under my breathe, 2 more months, how many more blood draws could I possibly need in 2 months?

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Every baby needs a mural

When my sister got pregnant with here twins, I told her I would paint a mural for her nursery. She declined. In which I said, why not? Every baby needs a mural. Of course I had not painted anything in over 15 years at that point and she was nervous that I was basically talking out of my ass. I have always been pretty artistic, but in a way she was right. I never painted a mural before and although I would try my hardest to get it just right I had no idea if it would come out how my mind perceived it should.

So 7 years later I am blessed with my miracle. My first thought was to look on the internet for wall paper murals. My expensive taste kicked into gear and everything I liked was way over budget for something that would only be on a wall for 4-5 years, if that. Then I discovered Elephants on the Wall, paint by number murals. It looked pretty easy and from all the costumer comments it was easy. Plus it fit into the budget and one of their series fit into my nursery theme. So why not?

I ordered it. Once it arrived I was afraid I got myself over my head. Scott secretly was scared it would turn out looking like stick figures... Well I am very pleased by the finished product and so is Scott!

Monkey will be hanging out to the right of the crib:

Hippo will be standing on top of a bookcase (as soon as we put it together):
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Giraffe and friends will be to the left of the changing table/ dresser:

Elephant is playing hide and seek behind the door:

And momma giraffe is watching out for everyone from up high:

So the largest and scariest project is now out of the way. Now the wait continues for the crib, which hopefully will be here any day now!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

My almost New Year's baby will be here for Christmas

I had a follow up OB appointment yesterday and asked her what the chances of me going the full 40 weeks will be with preeclampsia. She told me that there would be a 99% chance that they will induce me at 37 weeks since the risk of staying pregnant after that point would be too high. She also told me that I may even be induced earlier dependent on how fast the preeclempsia progressed. Because the on set started fairly early in the pregnancy, there may be a need to induce earlier. Either 32 or 34 weeks.

At this point they will do everything in their power to allow me to get to 32 weeks. Which means either bed rest of hospitalization with BP meds if things get to be bad enough to warrant it. At this point, I will continue to be monitored two times a week on an outpatient bases because everything is on the lower end right now. She did however warn me that preeclampsia can progress rapidly, so to be prepared.

My head was spinning when I left the office. It caught me off guard and made me realize that I only have less then 2 months before Dillon is here and there is still so much left to do. His crib isn't even here yet. The nursery is far from close to complete. I do not have anything and was waiting for after the baby shower to add on to what I may need. My shower is at my first goal mark of 32 weeks and that is 4 weeks away.

Christmas shopping. I need to get some things for our families and now for baby. Yes Dillon will not realize if Santa does not make his presence this year, but I always imagined the "Baby's first" orniment on the tree and the cute little Christmas outfit. Yes, all of this is irrational to a point, but it was the first thing I focused on. I know our families woulf understand if I were to be placed on bed rest or give birth and not get them a gift. I do know that.

Not to mention if I should go on bed rest. Who will take care of the house and the food and the dog. Scott has always been wonderful, but I hate to leave the burden on him. Add to that the burden of the bills being paid and me not working for an additional couple of months. Also, Scott starts a new job and we will be paying Cobra for insurance coverage for the first couple of months. All of which would be okay with two incomes. Tight, very tight, on just one. I know financially we have been able to make it before and we will again. I just was really not planning for this. Does anyone really?

I know I need to breath and go with the flow and stop over analyzing everything. I am a worrier, that is what I do. So for the last day I have spent half the time worrying and the other half over analyzing every pain or twinge I may have felt so I can call the doctor if symptoms start.

32 week is my first goal. I can make it to the first goal. Breath!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The New Adventures of Old Kristine

Catchy title that is fitting for my last few days...

Sunday - I do my 24 hour urine test because of elevated proteins in my urine. Weird peeing in a bucket. Weirder that I have to take bucket with me to work and pee in a stall in a bucket. I only had to explain it to one person. I told her to go ahead of me, she insisted I go first. I refused saying I rather not have her have to watch me pouring my urine from the collection holder into the bucket... Okay then. Too much information? Oh well.

Monday - Doctors appointment. Blood pressure - 140/60. Again still in the "borderline" high, even though the bottom number (is that systolic?) is low. Pee in cup (don't they have enough pee from the bucket?). Talk to the nurse about the glucose test tomorrow. Talk to the doctor about me being pre-pre eclamptic, she says that although I am borderline at this point she will be cautious and just treat me as though I am pre eclamptic. She explains everything to me and tells me she sees a ton of pre eclampsia cases a day and there is nothing to be concerned about.

So I go home and start my nursery project. Painting murals on the wall. The first is a monkey in a tree... It was easier then I imagined and if I do say so myself came out pretty damn good!
Go out to eat with Scott. I am going to eat good since I have to fast tomorrow!

Come home to a message on my machine. It is Dr. J - "We got your 24 hours urine sample back from the lab. It shows you are spilling a lot of protien. Since you will be here tomorrow, we would like to do an u/s. It is 7pm now, so have me paged when you get in in the morning so I can talk to you".

I freak out because I have an u/s scheduled for next week. Why do they have to bump that one up? Why did the doctor call and not a nurse? Why do I have to page my doctor in the morning? All of which in my racing mind, with no answers, freaks me out! I cry a little. A hide that I am nervous from Scott. Who doesn't buy it. I call my mother who tells me, the doctor called because the nurses went home. She had pre-e and a ton of u/s with my sister. Relax, breath. My sister is okay and so will Dillon. Okay. Good I am somewhat calm now.

Tuesday - Go in for my 3 hour glucose, which should really be 4 hours since that is how long I am there for. 7am, no coffee, no food = cranky. I check in and have Dr J paged, then I am called for my first blood draw. This girl is good - in and out, no issues. I am told to come back every hour. Okay.

I go into the waiting room and my nurse comes out to tell me she talked to Dr. J and that she scheduled my u/s. She says she just likes to be precautious since I had elevated protien in my urine and that they will be doing a series of u/s from this point on to track the growth. Nothing to worry about. Okay done.

So I spend the next 4 hours in between blood draws and u/s.

Dillon is thriving. He is 2 pounds 6 ounces (right where he should be). His lungs were doing practice breathing which the u/s tech says is good. Everything was perfect with him and he loved the sugar high he was on from the glucose syrup thing I had to drink. He was dancing all around.

I wish I could say my blood draws went as well. I went back and had nurse hatchet, a different blood drawer then my first. She stuck me 6 times to get 3 vials for 3 hours. I have had my blood drawn 5000 times in the past 3 years with my thyroid, and monitoring for IUI's and IVF's and never once have I ever come away with a bruise... right now my arms are covered in them!!!

As I was about to leave, my nurse comes in. "Oh good, perfect timing! Dr J still wants to talk to you. I will have the front desk page her, wait here until you speak to her"... So I wait. 10 minutes. I am hungry, I am tired I have been here for 4 hours. I go to the front desk and tell them to have Dr. J call me at home.

I head home. When I get in, the phone is ringing. "Hi it is Dr J sorry I couldn't get back to you right away...blah blah... we want you to come in to L&D and be monitored for an extended amount of time. We want to make sure all is okay with you and baby - plan to spend the night"
She assures me not to worry, that they just want to be sure the babies heart rate and my blood pressure do not spike or anything.

Of course not worrying is not an option. Spending hours on a monitor is not normal when pregnant.

So I eat, call my mom and Scott. Freak out. Head in.

I am there for about 7 hours. Hooked up to machines. Blood pressure is low - 110/60 - 120/70 the entire time. Babies heart rate is in the 140's - 150's.

All is good.

So they send me home and tell me that I will need to come in 2 times a week from now on.

Hopefully my blood pressure will stay low so I do not have to repeat this adventure any time soon. Hopefully no new adventures will begin and the baby will stay in there nice and cozy and growing big and strong.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Official dx - Preeclampsia

So I got the call today that my urine showed slight elevation of protein. They wanted me to come in this afternoon to repeat the urine test and blood pressure.

My blood pressure is considered borderline at 140/60 but I need to wait to see what the protein levels come back at. I was given the container for a 24 hour urine test, where basically I will pee in a bucket for 24 hours and they will test how much protein is in my urine for that 24 hours. They told me they would call and let me know when to do it, if not for this weekend then sometime soon.

I will also see my doctor once a week for the foreseeable future for repeats of blood pressure and urine. They are being proactive, but I am nervous none the less. My mom had Pre - E with my sister and things turned out all right on that end, she did need a C-section however. Of course I need to not freak Scott out. He is nervous. Very nervous about everything I do (Have I ever told you guys how much I love him) so I do not want to freak him out at this point. Hopefully he is not goog-ling - because I freaked out when I goog-led.

The Mayo clinics site was the best, so I will stick with them. Pre-E is common, common in older woman's pregnancies and if watched carefully all should be all right. What gives me some relief is that I am 26 weeks at this point, so I am almost at the home stretch. I just need to take it one week at a time.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Ehh not the best doctors appointment

I went in for my 26 week appointment yesterday. To start I had to do the 1 hour glucose test. No biggy, drink nasty coke spiked with more sugar then get your blood drawn and hour later. Next go in to pee in a cup, weight check (I gained 19 pounds since being pregnant and an additional 10 while going through treatment - sigh), blood pressure check.

When getting my blood pressure taken I usually get a comment on how low it is. Not today. The nurse just left the room and told me the doctor will be right in. Next, another nurse comes in to re-take my blood pressure. Okay.

Next the doctor comes in and tells my my blood pressure when I first came in was very high, but went down a bit. She tells me because of this, they will move my next appointment up to two weeks and will need to draw some blood to check proteins etc. She tells me about pre eclampsia and tells me I am not showing any signs of it, but they want to keep a close eye on me.

I also get my first of every 4 week u/s starting next appointment. That is due to the missing protein in the placenta that was discovered at the NT scan. The u/s is to check for growth and if it appears Dillon stops growing or does not grow at the rate he is supposed to, they will induce me early. The doctor said, usually that doesn't happen but it is something to look out for. She also said she is not concerned by it at all and I "should be happy to get to see my baby every 4 weeks" - I am =)

She measured my ute and all is right on track. I got a flu shot. Then I was given info on what to do should I fail my 1 hour glucose test. I thought to myself there would be no way of me feeling, I eat good, not a sweet person at all (although I did have a cereal bar on the way in to the appointment). Then a blood draw. 5 vials.

The next day I get the call - bloodwork is back. Thyroid - 1.7, check. Protiens - normal. Glucose - "slightly elevated"... Follow the instructions given and come in for the 3 hour fasting test Tuesday. Wonderful.

So here I am with high blood pressure, high glucose and hoping by next appointment all of this will be back to normal.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Babysitting the dogs

My mom went to California to visit my sister, I get the pleasure of watching her two dogs, plus my own. I keep thinking so this is what having three kids is like... So glad I am just having one!

Bailey is the trouble maker. He has chewed apart my dog toy basket, a roll of tape and a cardboard box so far. Plus he has ALL the toys all over the place. I clean them up, 30 minutes later they are right back where he apparently wants them.

PJ is the stubborn one. She loves being outside, but she also loves barking at birds, dogs, cats, squirrels, what ever thing that moves. To get her to come in is a challenge. She will look at me and walk away. I let them out at 6:30am today and she was going crazy at something. So out I go, no socks or shoes, my jammies and try to get her to come in... I had to trapes through mud and dirt to get her attention, but after only waking up half the neighborhood would she listen.

Then there is my dog, Jaxie, the aligator. Why is she an aligator? Because she hates both dogs and the fact that they are evading her quiet time. She wants nothing to do with them and snaps as soon as one comes over to say "Hi". She also gets quite defensive over her food. Everything in the house is hers and hers alone. 3 bones are hers, not just the one mom gave her. Nope get away everyone and leave my stuff alone! She is getting better now that it is going on day 3 but it was a challenge to feed them all. There goes her diet!

Dog walking - I have a new found appreciation for dog walkers and the herd of puppies they drag around. Not one of them likes to go the same speed or in the same direction.

Sleeping - I am pregnant, I need my space... well so do 3 dogs, none of which like to sleep anywhere but on a bed. I had Jaxie up near my pillow, loud snoring and all. PJ in between my legs and Bailey sprawled out in the bottom of the bed taking up enough room for a black lab!

Like I said it is getting better as the days go on, but the countdown until next Thursday is on! Come and take these monsters, I mean dogs, home!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Hmm this isn't as fun as I thought

Last week Scott was on vacation with the sole thing on our calendar being the nursery. His "duty" was fixing the infamous hole in the wall which would be a 2 day project and then on to priming and painting. So as he started his hole duty, I went to start the registry


Err, maybe not so much.

I researched extensively what products I needed, was iffy about and definitely did not want for about two months. Inside the store I was LOST. My mom had said she would go with me, but our schedules and her two week trip to the west coast kind of got in the way so she told me to go myself and then she would look it over to make sure I wasn't missing anything crucial for baby. Okay, easy right?

Up and down the aisles I went, oh that is cute... whip out gun...zap! Oh wait that is cuter... whip out gun, delete first one, add second one. Aisle through aisle for about, oh, three aisles. Then I came to car seats

:::screeching halt:::

I knew what I wanted going in. I wanted a light weight stroller and a separate car seat plus a stroller base for the car seat. No problem, right? Wrong! As I was in Babys R Us I discovered the selection of things were slim when it comes to infant car seats. I was not crazy about any patterns on the brand I thought I wanted. Okay I will come back to you. Strollers, same thing! Nothing fit all I wanted in a light weight stroller. Damn! Stroller systems on the other hand had about 15-20 options, some very cute.

Should I go with the cute option? I sat in that aisle for about 1/2 hour clicking, unclicking, strolling, lifting every possible system out there. They were all heavy and all bulky. Grr. I know I do not want heavy and bulky, I bought my sister big and bulky, she used it 3 times and then went on to a umbrella like stroller. So I said screw it, I will come back.

Swings, bouncys, pack n plays, onsies, sheets, mattress covers. Click-delete- click.

2.5 hours later I was exhausted. Returned the gun and got a print out of the things I registered for. Missing the pack n play??? What? Missing the changing pad cover? Hmm... Turns out I do not know how to delete using a gun and deleted some things I wanted. I decided just to add everything on line I missed.

Get home Scott asks me where I was all this time... Glare - growl - huff - puff my way through the explanation of how NOT fun registering was. Sit down at the computer and continue the debate on the stroller/car seat issue. Turns out the stroller I want is only available online. Well that sucks since Scott's mother said she would get it but is computer illiterate. I tell Scott, he tells me we will order it for her... good no problem. But is it the stroller I want? Back and forth through research, public opinion and everything else. Yes - no. Delete, add, delete.

What I discovered, not one stroller out there makes everyone happy or fits every need. So do the best you can do and then maybe buy your own stroller company and fix the flaws in what you need.

The whole process took a week. In between I painted trim, Scott painted the ceiling, fixed the hole and primed....

My 7 year hole is no more! In my heart and in the wall! I guess that is all worth the stress of finding the perfect stroller and registering!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Wow - I missed shopping!

For our year of IVF's I was on a strict budget. Which meant no shopping of any kind really. I missed it. I love shopping, and try not to overspend, but buy things we need for the house etc. There used to be always something I could need for the house. I would go on my days off and browse and then purchase the things that screamed to me. I stopped doing that when I was not allowed to actually buy those screaming things because it was more a tease then anything else.

Well, I am back in the game. Now just in baby mode. I am really having so much fun furniture shopping, yesterday was the glider. My sister and I went up to a baby warehouse. I told myself not to actually by any stuffed animals, rattles, toys or clothes until after the baby shower, since people will be getting me lot's of this, but it is so much fun to look! I take mental notes of things I like and I suppose right after the shower I will be back in the stores taking some fun things home.

We still have debt, more then I hoped for going into pregnancy. But there really is not much else we can do at this point. The baby needs things. We will continue to pay down the credit card as much as possible, hopefully when the baby does arrive we will be almost there.

I will still deprive myself of things, I have learned to live without dinner out, movie nights, pedicures and manicures, but I will not deprive the baby. There will be a time again I can enjoy the things I once did, but not until the debt gets paid off. We are under 10k now... hopefully next year we will be back to zero and we can officially cut up the card!

Friday, September 4, 2009

Operation baby mode has begun

First, we sold our 2 door car in order to get me a more child freindly mode of transportation. The sale went off without a hitch, we assumed it may take a couple of months to get a buyer, but a week after deciding to place it for sale rather then a trade it someone called and was interested in it. Not a week later he handed us over FULL asking price (we priced it a bit higher thinking we would have to meet half way... nope!).

The adventure to find a car did not go as smoothly. Man is it stressful. First, we are a used car family. No need in buying something spanking new out of the factory since it loses almost half the value upon leaving the lot. We looked for something with low mileage and 2002 or higher. So we went to about 10 different dealers and most small SUVs had way too many miles on it or were just peices of crap. Then on our way home we were driving and we saw her sitting all pretty in a lot just about 2 miles from our house. We had no clue this dealer existed. But he did and had the prettiest greyish blue Hundyai Sante Fe sitting there. Perfect condition, one owner and under 70k miles... but the price was $1500 more then we could afford. Scott pulled him aside and did his thing and talked him down $1000... Done deal! I have a mommy car.

I was sitting in it last night and it all hit me, in a few months Dillon will be all nice and calm in the back seat as we are driving home from the hospital (hey it is my daydream - he can be calm)! I am so happy and am so in love with my mommy car - it feels like I am a grown up for the first time in 37 years. Weird.

Next up. Scott is on vacation this coming week. Time to fix the hole in the wall move out the computer and paint the nursery! That is his one goal for vacation.
My goal is to get registered, I will go one day when he is fixing the wall because he hates me hovering and micromanaging and I will start the registry. Yep it is happening!

I know I haven't been the best of bloggers. I think I like when things are too non eventful to write anything! But now that we are in full baby mode expect some pics of the nursery and furniture as we begin the journey to Welcome home baby mode... T minus 17 weeks and counting! GULP!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Ugg the room the room

We have spent the entire weekend clearing out the room. The room we have collected everything in now for 7 years. The room that had odds and ends, futons, spare sectional sections. Computer desk, games, JUNK. It made sense at the time just to throw EVERYTHING in here. Now that it is time to take it all away, I wish I had second thought it to begin with. It is cleared though, all that is left is to decide what to do with the computer.

That has been a subject of debate now for about 3 months. He wants it down in the basement. We have a small finished off area down there, but it is not heated yet. Umm honey winter is coming and we can not really afford to place a heating system in there at this time. How about upstairs, the area of the house that is heated but the wiring is not upgraded yet... nope can't do it. The living area? It would be too cluttered with one more thing in there. Hows about I just buy an inexpencive netbook? Nope, maybe for Christmas... I can not live without a computer for 4 months! Okay put it in the basement, I will use a space heater for the time being. It shouldn't be THAT cold until December anyway. So, that is the plan. By next week I will be stuck in the basement nesting away. At least at this point it is cool down there.

Next comes paint - I destroyed a forest and collected paint chips of every possible shade of every possible color I was debating. I have now narrowed it down to a smokey blue. I will get some paint samples this week and see which I like.

Scotty has to repair the hole in the wall. Tear down the 70's wallpaper still in the closet. Then it is on to painting the room. The furiture should arrive shortly after that. I still need new shades and a rug. I am searching the internet as we speak for the perfect rug. Debating the color of that as well - chocolate brown or a cream color... hmm.

I will post pictures of the progress as we go!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The nursery planning has begun!

I am so excited and going out and shopping hit home that this is coming and coming fast. I am at the half way point today. 20 weeks!!!

My mother and I went shopping for the crib and combo/changing table yesterday. My mom was generous enough to offer to buy the crib. My aunt and uncle kind enough to give me money towards "what ever I needed", so all of this helped a ton! I was concerned that shopping with my mother would become a struggle, she likes what she likes and tries to make everyone else like what she likes as well. I lectured my mother on the way up there that my tastes might be different then hers, she said she understood and I could get what ever I wanted. Well, turned out my mother does have similar tastes in furniture as I do and getting a darker wood piece was not an issue.

We walked up and down the aisles about 5 times. Always stopping at the same one. Then the sales person asked if he could help us. "I think I like this one, but I am not sure". Mom rolled her eyes and said to walk around again and get back to her. I did, and it was the one!! I loved all the detail on the spindles, legs and headboard (the picture does not do it justice).What I liked most is that it turns into a pretty impressive full sized bed as well. I did not want something that looked like a crib trying to be a bed since this will be lifetime furniture for my little one.

The delivery is due in about 10-12 weeks, although "usually sooner" as the sales person said. I can not wait to see it in the room! When I got home and showed Scott he said he loved it and would start clearing out the room this weekend. Looks like my strategy of having something tangible about to arrive worked to get him moving! Next week I will order the bedding and when it arrives I will pick out the paint color! I am so excited to finally change the would be nursery into a real nursery. It has waited long enough!