Sunday, June 28, 2009

If I hear (fill in the blank) one more time!

So we have been "out" for about a week now, I always remember hearing and reading about all the pregnancy questions pregnant women would get asked constantly. I never realized how truly annoying it is though.

I work in a bar, one filled with regulars so I see the same people, with the exception of maybe one or two, every Saturday night. Saturday is my busiest night, with probably give or take 100 people coming in and out all night long. So you repeat the How are you feeling? Are you finding out the sex? Do you have morning sickness? When are you due? and my personal favorite - Are you sure there isn't two in there? Multiply all of those questions by 100 and by the end of the night, you want to start wearing it on a sign around your neck. I remember seeing t-shirts on Cafe Press listing all the answers to some of these questions and I am really thinking of getting one! Really!

What is really sweet is that I have a group of three customers. Women in their 60's who are giving me an extra dollar a week and made me swear to start a "baby jar" so I can deposit this extra money a week in the kitty for the baby. They made it very clear that this was not my tip money, but the babies money. Besides opening beers for these ladies, I do not know them well, so this gesture is very sweet. They started it last week, but really I thought that it was a one week thing. They are serious about it and they are trying to recruit other customers in on the deal too! So I came home last night, exhausted from answering way too may questions and dug out a vase to start the kitty. I think I may go out and buy one of those cute piggy banks. My son or daughters first piggy bank!

Friday, June 26, 2009

It is a good day!

First, the sun has been shining for two days in a row. I think a new record for this horrible "summer". I can not believe it is a week until July 4th, my mothers pool has been open for over a month and there just have been no good days to use it in, hopefully the weather will warm now?

Next I have a doctors appointment - a second trimester appointment! I am looking forward to hearing my little one's heart beating for the first time. Another huge milestone.

Also, for the past week I have really gotten into this being pregnant thing, the paranoia has settled down a ton. I actually believe in 6 short months I will be carrying home my real live baby. I have been reading Baby Bargains and making lists of all the things I will need to register for. Incredible. It took me long enough to settle into the belief that good things do happen, and I love being here and feeling secure.

I feel wonderful. I can not believe this is pregnancy! No morning sickness. No sore breast - no growing breast either, something I wanted, but will live without I guess. I just feel like I felt 5 months ago - even better without all the drugs for IVF I had been taking. I increased my eating, portion size but I am not starving like I expected. I just load my plate and usually clean it off. I gained about 5 pounds already.

I also have a baby belly. People at work are noticing it and of course pointing it out to me, like I do not already know it is there. I am glad it is though, because honestly it is the only tangible thing that is reminding me I am pregnant.

I keep thinking that since the first trimester was so easy I am doomed for a 36 hour labor or something. Or maybe it is giving me reprieve because I had to go through so much to get here? Either way, I am just HAPPY!

And the moment you have been waiting for (or maybe not) - the first belly pic taken at 13 weeks. Sorry for the blurriness, they all came out like that and I can not figure out why. Maybe something is set wrong on my camera, but I am technologically challenged so need Scott to look at it later for me.

I just realized how scary this picture looks. I need to start wearing cute clothes when taking these pics. The weather here has been crappy, my jeans are not comfy at all so I spend my days off in sweats. I need to buy maternity jeans - next thing on my list!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Blood work is back from NT scan

Mostly it is good news, something I will not pursue further with a CVS or Amnio. For Downs Syndrome, my risk is 1 in 2000, that of a 20-24 year old. Then for Trisomy 13 and 18 it is 1 in 200, that of a 39 year old. So slightly higher but considering I am going to be 38 when the child is born, it is not overly high.

The genetics counselor did say that the reason for the change in risks for the trisomy screening was because my placenta is showing a lack of protien. She said there was nothing I could do to fix it, but it would require addition u/s during my third trimester. Something I am over thinking now, but the doctor will go into further detail on Friday. Overall, I am at ease with everything. Hopefully, it will stay that way after talking to the doctor Friday.

Oh and I am graduating this week to second trimester! At my appointment I get to hear the heartbeat for the first time. I am looking forward to it! Can't believe 3 months past already! It seemed to go by very slowly in the middle but after the NT Scan, things speed up! Soon I will need to start shopping and registering and all the fun stuff that comes with expecting a baby. Now I am reading Baby Bargains to get a clue on what I may need for baby. It is a whole new world out there, one I never dared to enter until now!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

He agreed to a girls name!

This is where I would insert a dropped jaw emote.

His first choice has always been Angela or Angelina, nicknamed Angie. It is just not my style at all and reminds me of a girl I went to middle school with, let's just say not a good remembrance either. Besides our last name ends with an A, so when you say any girls name that ends with an A and our last name together it is almost too sing songy for me to get used to the idea. I explained my reasoning and he understood.

So then I suggested my name and he said "okay"! OKAY! "What are you sure" Yep, I like. So if that is the name you want we will go for it!" ... "Really? YAY". Since way back when we were dating he never liked any name I came up with. He even shot down a variation of this very name! So it is confusing to me why he agreed so easily. I should go with the flow, which I am trying to I am just puzzled.

Notice how I have not given the name out yet? First, we need this to be a girl for it to work, we still have not decided on a boys name. Second, I am waiting for Scott to come back and say he changed his mind. He never agrees this easily, there has got to be a catch. Then the third reason is that this name can be spelled several different ways and I want to make sure I am choosing the perfect spelling. Maybe one day I will open it up to opinions how you would spell it, but that would be after we know it is a girl and if I can't decide on my own.

Six more weeks! Since we had an easy time with the girls name, it is sure to be a boy!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Water under the bridge.

That is what my husband said. But still I am pissed off.

Last year a couple of months before starting IVF, Scott's company decided to switch insurance companies. I live and he works in a state that mandates fertility coverage. No problem, they will get another with coverage. Nope his boss decides to self fund, the one option where the mandate does not protect you. Yes frustrated and sad I called 4 different area clinics got pricing on IVF, payment and financing plans. No was not an answer! One clinic suggest I buy an individual plan in Massachusettes. We decide to do that, pay a monthly premium for a plan that covered 50% of the IVF cost with a $1000 deductable and no med coverage. Quite a big difference from 100% coverage, but our desire to have a child outweighed the expences. We budgeted, cut our spending and saved as much as we could each month. We paid each cycle off, one by one, a large chunk was paid off with our tax returns, family members gave us monitary gifts. Christmas was filled with cards with money rather then sweaters we would wear once. We got by with a little help from our friends. We still owe about 8k, but that is getting paid off as quickly as possible.

So today Scott goes into work to see that when open enrolement comes around in July he can sign me back up to his plan. We only need maternity coverage now, no need to pay for an individual plan with a high deductable. Well the office manager tells him they are switching insurances because they did not save as much as they thought they would last year. Really. What plan are you getting... the one we had before!

Yep water under the bridge. We could have bought a new car, fenced the back yard which is what we were saving for in the first place. Gone out to dinner!

Forgive me if I feel kicked in the gut for a minute.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The dumb things people say

Seriously, I knew people were ignorant and half the time speak just to hear themselves speaking but can someone for one second THINK before spewing out comments?

I have heard ignorant things by a customer at work that does not know me, and I half accepted it as him being naive but when a life long friend of more then twenty years, who knows what I have been through, says something seriously stupid it makes me want to bash my head into the wall.

"Are you ready for this" that is what she asked after congratulating me. Umm, over ready?!? In the past six plus years it has taken to conceive you do tend to spend some time thinking about being ready or not. Don't ya think? I have chosen my nursery decor at least 6 different times in the past six years, every time a phantom symptom popped up and gave me hope. I know more about the human anatomy then I ever wanted to know. I know I am going to gain wait, lose sleep and have pain in about 7 months. Yes I know a child will challenge me and Scott at times. I also know that my heart is already filled with incredible love for this baby. YES I AM READY! Over ready. More ready then the average person who spreads her legs for her husband and not a doctor. A hell of a lot more ready then I was 6 years ago! READY.

So please people think.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Eek! A note about yesterdays post.

After reading over yesterdays post, I realize I called the baby a she through most of it. Funny because I have always wanted a boy although since this most likely will be our only child I really do not have preference. As long as it is healthy. My mom is hoping for a girl since she has two grandsons already. Scott hopes for a boy.

My H also notes that most the time I do say she, but when he got home from work I was calling the baby a he. He asked if something changed with the ultra sound. Nope I guess I just am trying to give equal time to both sexes, subconsciously.

Now there is a six week wait to find out. I do have an OB appointment in between so will be able to hear the heartbeat. Can not wait for any of this. I am wishing summer to be gone, which is sad because for the most part here it has been rainy, cold and crappy for the last month and I cherish summer in a normal year. Now I can not wait for NEXT summer.

Monday, June 15, 2009

So in love!

The NT Scan was a sight to see, my little bean looks like a little human now. S/he was resting, and her back was turned to us. So the u/s tech was trying a bunch of different things to get her moving. It took about 30 minutes and I saw her flipping over and she must have known we were watching her, because she waved her arms as if to say "No more pictures" and then turned right back around. I was laughing at her, the u/s tech was frustrated. So after more fumbling around, the u/s tech had to get a doctor to try. I laid there, for what seemed like forever, I think I napped, and then the doctor came in. By that time the baby was flipped to the right spot. He got the measurements. Said everything looked good but we still needed the blood results. I will get them next week sometime.

It really was a great day. I wish Scott was there with me. Everything hit home when I saw my little shy one. I could picture her waking from a nap, me holding her. Amazing! Scott will be there for the next u/s in 6 weeks and I can not wait for him to experience this with me!

So here they are, the debut of my little ones first pictures. Not the best, since she never faced the probe long enough to get a good shot. But she is beautiful anyway! I always remember looking at other peoples u/s and how excited they got and never understood why some grainy black and white photo got them so giddy to show everyone. Now I do! So in love.

Oh, and as a side note. I know I promised everyone belly shots today, sorry have to wait until tomorrow. I have been a busy bee today! Yep consider yourself spared from seeing my blubber!

Sunday, June 14, 2009


Sorry for no update. I guess I have been just trucking along and really have nothing to report. That is a good thing, my boring life! It has been a long 2 weeks of waiting for the NT scan, which is tomorrow. I still have no symptoms. I have days where I am starving, but more days where food doesn't really appeal to me and I have to force myself to eat. Other then that, I feel great.

Scott's dad is in a rehab hospital. He is hanging on and the doctors believe with some work he could go home in about 8 months. That is such an incredible change from a few weeks ago, so Scott is pleased, but still nervous. Anything can happen to cause a set back in progress, so we just pray for uneventful days.

Then for the GM dealership Scott works for... not the greatest news. They will be closing in October of 2010. We are greatful to have the years time, hopefully Scott will have no trouble finding something.

So that brings me to work and wildfire. Word spreads just like it. Work and the ability for news to travel through about 100 people in the matter of minutes. It always amazes me that an event could happen there at 3pm and I would get calls asking about it, from people on vacation at 3:30. It is like this with everything and always has been.

I told my mom I was pregnant. I forgot to tell my mom to not tell anyone, I forgot in the excitement I guess. Mom goes and tells her work. In her work is a wife of an employee at my work. Yep, 90 degrees of separation at play. She tells him, he tells so and so who tells 5 other people and so on. Next thing you know I have people digging for me to tell them, even though they already know. "Is something different about you? Did you change your hair?". "Let me see that top" as they examine my belly not my top. Then of course the dreaded direct line. "Are you pregnant?"

Well this went on for about 3 hours last night. Finally I had enough of people talking to me and looking at my gut, talk about self conscience. YES. Just leave me alone already - I know you know. Yay! Excitement!!! Woohoo. And dread. My NT scan is tomorrow, I wanted that to be the telling point once everything turned out good. I needed to make it two more days I couldn't and now I am afraid. EVERYONE knows. That isn't supposed to jinx things, but I feel like it is a huge hurdle now. Not like it didn't mean anything before but so many what ifs are now racing through my mind. Untelling everyone, having one person say congrats after should something go wrong. Ugg. Please God Please let everyhting be okay.

Next update - NT scan and Belly picks. Hell everyone loves looking at my belly it seems!