If you are I would love you to show me some sign. I know you are too small at this stage for me to feel, but I would love for you to make me deathly tired. Too tired to work. If you are in there, I would love for you to tell me you hate what I am eating for lunch or the smells around me. Make me cranky and moody. Make me weep at stupid commercials. Make me feel anything really.
I know some of you reading this are thinking "be thankful you are feeling well" and for the most part I am. But I am also paranoid beyond belief that in a week when I go for the u/s it will show nothing. All stemmed from the fact that since I got the positive beta back I have felt nothing. If I felt like crap 24/7 at least I could know something was progressing.
I also know the amount of morning sickness and other symptoms are not a sign of a healthy or none healthy pregnancy. Again though, it would make me be hopeful and less scared.
In 8 months maybe I can look back at this time and be very very happy that I came out of the first few weeks without anything. Maybe it is my gift for having to endure IF for as long as I did? But hindsight is 20/20 and today is when I need to know.
I have one more week before my u/s. Each day is dragging. I will be going to the u/s myself. H has taken so much time off work already with egg retrievals, egg transfers and consultations that we agreed that he could skip this one since we want as much time for him when the baby arrives. BUT what if something happens and he is not there? Nothing has been more soothing to me through out all of this then him holding my hand.
Why can't I think positively. No blood, no cramps. That should mean something. Why can't I go back to the naive woman who pees on a stick, tells the world about her wonder and 9 months later gives birth? Instead I am the paranoid victim who is avoiding friends phone calls because they may ask and I may have to tell and then warn them that I am being very cautious about all of this. Because the baby making thing does not come simple to me. Something is bound to go wrong as it always does. Happiness does not exist in my world?
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3 comments:
It probably won't make you feel much better, but it took me until right at 6 weeks to start to feel anything. And even then it wasn't horribly overwhelming. But I was saying the exact same prayer as you--I'd rather be getting sick 24/7 so I could know everything was okay!!!! I hope you get some symptoms soon!
I did not get symptoms until about 7 weeks. Then they went away for a week. I called the doc, they did another blood test and within days I was really sick! Next thing I know I was having twins. The nurse just laughed at me and said aren't you the girl that called about losing her symptoms. Unfortunately things change so quickly in pregnancy. One day they kick a lot, then they hardly kick. The worrying never goes away. You now know you can get pregnant and are pregnant. That is amazing!
I agree, the worry never ever goes away..
Couple of thoughts...keep peeing on sticks, go to the dollar store, they are the same thing and cheaper.
I am with the other girls...i had no idea i was pregnant until the morning sickness at about 4-5 weeks and even then, it was more like...i ate something funky rather then me feeling like i was pregnant.
Its also hard to explain the shear tiredness that you feel...its not a non-functioning tiredness...its like after a really long work out...your brain is still runing, but your body is saying GIVE UP!
Hang in there....we are right here with you!!
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