Scott an I seem to be at this marker in the road. He would be fine turning one way and I on the other hand want to go another.
He just wants to move on with life and is fine with how things are. He all along has been doing this for me because he knew how important it is to me. Sure he has no problems with being a dad, he was all in to having children the "natural" way. But when it turned into it being a chore, one that has lasted 6 years, he lost interest. He is waiting for this to be over, no matter how it is over. He talks about his dreams of travel and improving the home and how he will cope when all this is through.
I on the other hand can not let it go. I do not want to stop at nothing. I can not picture my life without a child. I would love to move on to donor eggs if it is what it will take. I don't want him to agree with it just for me though. And I don't want to agree with him just to agree, I want to be content with the decisions we have made.
I don't know what to do. I love him so much, he is my best friend and everything I ever wanted. But what do you do when you come to that spot in the road and can not choose which way will be the best. 30 years from now will I regret the choice made? Will he?
It was never supposed to this hard. I know I do not have to make the decision today or even next week. Hopefully #3 will work and we will never have to make it. But what will happen if we get there. I am scared.
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3 comments:
That has to be a horrible, scary feeling. I'm so sorry that you're even having to think these thoughts, and hoping with all my might that #3 works for you.
You know, they tell you to talk about things like kids before you get married - but who in their right mind would ever dream things would tourn out this way? These are situations you can never imagine would happen to you, and you can't predict how you will feel until you're actually in them.
I wish I had some words of wisdom or advice for you. All I can do is offer ((hugs)) and say we're here to listen when you want to talk.
You guys will get through ANYTHING together. I know this will work out for you guys. Praying #3 works! ((HUGS))
Honey, every person has their breaking point. I can only imagine what he feels when he see's the pain and sorrow you feel when its a BFN. I am sure that his heart breaks each time as well.
Its hard to see the defeat in someone that is supposed to be with you all the way, through thick and thin....it makes it all too real that it could possibly be all for not.
And you asked yourself...will you regret your choice. I can only say, how can you regret that you tried so very very hard? How can you regret all the worry, the hope, the sorrow?
I honestly think that if you choose to make #3 your last, you could look back and say that you did everything that you could possibly have done. That you tried harder then probably anyone that you know.
Work on #3...this new doctor may turn out to be the thing that you both need to revamp the hope.
We will be here too, waiting and hoping....and supporting.
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