Dillon is 8 month old

It has been quite a while since I have updated this blog. New motherhood has changed my habits and I barely get on line these days. I am doing some things for extra money, so we can afford a vacation to California next summer and that take up a lot of my free time.

Dillon has been going to swimming classes at the YMCA. I can't say he is learning how to swim, but he is learning how to enjoy the water and be comfortable with it. It is like a mommy and me class, but in water. He does love it and most classes he gets upset when they are over.
He got his bottom teeth in and now are working on the top. We still have not moved on to anything but purees, partly because I am uncomfortable and partly because he doesn't seem ready. He gags with anything I have ever placed in his mouth. Anything I give him he just plays with and then throws on the ground for the dog. So I will try again when he is 9 months old. I am in no rush and he doesn't seem to be either.
He got his foot check out and he has flat feet, but the one that was slightly crooked seemed to have straightened out. There is some question about his hip and we need a repeat X-ray in September, but the doctor seems to think it will correct itself like his foot did.
He isn't doing much crawling. He will try to when on the sofa, but when he is on the ground he hates being on his stomach. He does everything in his power do not stay on his stomach for long. He does scoot on his butt in a sitting position. Usually around in circles or a couple of inches to the front. My guess is he will skip crawling and go right to walking. Who knows he may surprise me.

It all is going by so fast, he is almost 4 times his birth weight and is so big and cute and has such a personality. I can almost picture him a year from now. He maybe a little terror lol.
Here are a couple of pictures I will leave you off with. I hope to find the time to up date again soon. Take care!

We all had a fabulous time!

The christening went off with out any major hitches. His Godfather was late, but that is because his mother insisted he go by her house before. He is not sure why and neither are we, since she was going with her other son and her house is about 20 minutes out of the way. So he gunned it to the church leaving them somewhere behind. They showed up about 10 minutes into the ceremony.

Next, mother in law asks the priest loudly "I know it is a pain in the ass, but can you sign his baptism book"... in church, with 3 other babies and their families being christened. I guess she will be having to go to confession for swearing. Then she of course needed to be with her grandson the WHOLE time. So when we got back to the hall and I was greeting guests, she was hovering over me and him in the car seat. Back off lady!! Let me get him out. I politely told her I was bringing him around to everyone but promised she could have him back. Then the daggers started as everyone wanted Dillon time and she was pouting in the corner that she could not hold "her baby". Ugg!!! She sees him once a week. It is not like she has not seen him in months. Let me take him around to friends who are there to meet him and see him, some people for the first time.

The party went really smoothly. Everyone loved the food. The kids had a great time dancing and some parents too! I am glad I did have the big party as everyone was so excited to spend time with Dillon and he loved the attention, dancing and being bounced around from person to person. I think he will be a mayor one day! He was all smiles. I am hoping someone will send me a pic of with him smiling because every time I get the camera out he gets the "what's that" look on his face.

But it was exhausting too! We all crashed when we got home. Dad on the sofa. Dillon in his crib and mom had the for site to go to bed. I slept from 7pm until 6:30 when Dillon woke me up (he slept just as long). He is now down for his second nap today, I think he is still wiped. I am recovering, slowly!

Sunday is his big day!

RSVPs are in, well most of them. 80 people yes, 5 who I have not yet heard from and 30 no's. Most of the no's are Scott's family as I told you about in an earlier post. Oh well.

So menus is set. I just have to run around later in the week to order the cake, finish making the favors (small little jars of blue and white M&Ms) and making some cheese and cracker trays and other little appetizers. I have to decorate the hall the night before, after I get out of work. I am looking forward to seeing all my family and friends enjoying Dillon. He loves hustle and bustle - so he should enjoy everyone around as well.

His outfit is perfect! I think he grew an inch since he last tried it on, so it should fit great. The church is set and the Godparents are all ready with their confirmation certificates. I am excited for my little guy and his first big event.

Of course I will post pictures next week sometime!

As for my little guy. He is eating up his solids. He loves most of them except pears and applesauce. He is about to turn over. He goes side to side when he is on his back - but has no desire to go the whole way yet. He tries to turn off his stomach, he just doesn't have all the strength he needs yet to get all the way over. He is a happy guy. Smiles and laughs a lot - except when the camera is in his face, then he gets the look of "What's that" when ever we try to take his picture. One day I will catch him off guard!

Mother's day was incredible. Scott got me a beautiful charm bracelet with the first charm being a heart with Dillon's birthstone in it. It came in a little jewelry box with "World's best mom" engraved in it. We went out for brunch and it was the first time I didn't feel uncomfortable with all the kids around with their parents. It was finally my turn.

A friend from work also gave me a flower and wished me a happy first mothers day. So sweet of him.

And that is all for now. Sorry my updates are few and far between.

Fertile versus Infertile

To me the two words are not insulting. Infertility is a medical diagnoses. Fertile is the lack of the medical diagnosis and the ability to get pregnant relatively easily.

I was a bit shocked that people got a bit up in arms over the use of the two words.

I am not sure if they were just trying to pick my words apart to have something to argue about, or the issue is real. The message board I posted it on is infamous for picking words apart.

So what is your take?

IMO, it is like when Aunt Mildred used to talk about cancer and whisper it. Or erectile dysfunction and Viagra used to get giggles until we were blasted with commercials making it an everyday topic of conversation (I will not tell you about the bar conversation with a customer and how he is having the best sex of his life since going to the doctor).

So why not use the words? Is it THAT horrible to say infertile?

So much for that!

Well, you all know how I debated about doing a small, just immediate family member dinner after the christening. Then Scott and I got to talking and with all the bad things going on in his family the past year (both his aunt and his dad passing away) he and I thought having a fun family gathering was in order for a change.

Well - turns out that none of his family except is brothers and mom seem to want to come! I haven't heard from one of his uncles yet, but I am assuming he would be a no too.

I guess I shouldn't over think it. May is a busy time. But in comparison, my aunt changed vacation plans to be able to come. That is just how my family is. Plus none of his side has found time to even meet Dillon yet. Another one of my aunts was banging on the NICU door hoping to get in (the NICU had restrictions to just parents inside). Then she called daily until we could arrange for her to come by the house when he was home.

I guess families are just different and I should accept that. I just feel badly that the place will be filled with my relatively huge family and Scott will only have a half a table filled with his side. He is fine with it, so I should be too -I just hoped for him to show of his boy like the proud daddy he is. Eventually I am sure his family will want to meet him. I guess not in May though. Maybe before he turns 1?

So RSVPs have been trickling in. All in all not a bad turn out. I am the one with the huge family, so even with all the no's from his side I still have 39 yeses (that does not include children - so about 50 total). I still have 2 weeks until the RSVP cut off date.

His christening outfit arrived. It is perfect!! He is still a little short for the pants and I am hoping he will grow another inch in the next month so I don't have to roll the pants. Mr Shorty!

As a side note, I am aware of the Asian man who spams the comments of my blog with links to a porn site. I am sorry for anyone who stumbled upon it like I did. I am contacting blogger and trying to get him removed. I would rather not have to privatize my blog because of this asshat. Until I figure out something - please do not click on his link and I will remove his comments as soon as I see them.

4 month appointment

Dillon had his four month appointment. He is looking wonderful! Height - 24 inches, weight 14.2 pounds and for the life of me I can not remember his head circumference. He was all smiles and giggles for the doctor. Until the nurse came with his shots. His face turned beat red and he let out a huge scream. He settled down pretty easily after a hug and a few kisses and then went to sleep for 4 hours!!!

He has been eating solids for a couple of weeks. He really is not a fan of cereal. He eats some, but has the "ick face" the entire time. Sweet potatoes are so-so, squash is alright, bananas are the grossest thing in the world to him. He spits those out and cries! But PEAS - peas are the greatest thing ever. He eats them with a huge smile on his face. Strange kid. LOL

He is sitting up almost unsupported lately. He can hang on for quite a while with just my hand on his side so he doesn't topple over. He still has made no moves towards turning over. But he scoots on his back to where he wants to be when he is on the floor. One day I was cleaning so left him on his playmat for a bit. When I came back he was 1/2 a room away from the playmat near another toy. Since then he has done it often.

My car is dead. Waiting for the cadillac ? converter to be fixed. I am not a happy camper with this one, since I have only owned the car for 6 months. People shouldn't have 1300 in repairs on a car they are still paying off. Of course, conveniently the car dealer we got it from couldn't find anything major wrong with it until AFTER the used car warranty was up. I had taken it back a couple of times the first couple of months we owned it. The engine light went on and "oh it was just a code"... Next month, same thing but that time they found a loose wire or something... and finally major problem now. I posted a complaint on their website. I am looking for car ads online they have so I can leave my experience for everyone to see... but other then that I have no recourse. Except to be pissed.

It has been a year

I meant to post something on the day Dillon was conceived marking the anniversary of the end of my long journey. I got caught up in working overtime and dealing with a teething and grumpy 4 month old instead.

I wanted to post the pictures of the three embryos I had transfered back into me. Turns out they are gone. The day of my transfer last year, I took the picture and tucked it away. The picture of the embryos were always so hard to look at after a failed cycle. I figured I would save myself from that pain if I just hid them. Apparently, I hid them pretty well. They are no where to be found now. We cleared out the office when we were putting the nursery together. Threw out a lot of things collecting dust. One might have been the book I tucked the photos into.

So the first picture of Dillon is missing. But I have Dillon and all 100 u/s pictures starting at week 7 and ending two days before his birth. I guess that is more then "normal" parents have. So I will take it.

I can not believe the ending of my long and winding road brought me here. It is challenging at times. I am tired beyond belief and there is no relief as it always catches back up to you. But I am over the moon happy. Happier then I imagined I could be. When he smiles at me. When he laughs. When he grips onto my shirt and won't let go. That is worth the million tears I shed.

One year off the road of heartbreak. One year. Yet so many people I traveled with are still on the road. I am not sure if any of you still read this blog. I know I wouldn't be had I still been on the road you are on. If you do, know you are still in my heart. Know I think of you daily. Follow you, sometimes silently on the Infertility boards. I wish your year next year will be filled with tons of u/s pictures, smiles, baby laughs and grips of your shirt. Don't ever give up!

Done...well almost

So my first big party as a mommy is almost set up. And I went overboard. I admit it. What started off as simple snowballed and then kept gaining speed as it went down the hill.

From a casual meal with 15 of our closest family to now 120 invited guests, a buffet meal and now a DJ. So much for saving money having a party.

The purpose of the DJ. I just did not know how else to keep 100 people entertained for 3-4 hours. And shouldn't they have more to do then gush over a baby when they come? Or shouldn't I have a buffer so I didn't have to go around and be the hostess with the mostest the entire time.

So as the weeks went on I was going back and forth. Then 2 nights ago, I saw an old friend of mine who used to DJ for fun. I asked him how much he could do an afternoon party for. The price, not bad, but not great for what he would do - basically play an iPod and use big speakers. So I told him I would think about it. Then last night, when I worked I asked the DJ at the bar how much she would charge. She told me her price - ouch! So I said no, I had someone who offered me a lower price, but I rather he not do the party... Then she did what I was not expecting her to do... she met me at the price the iPod guy gave me. Score!

She is really entertaining. She will teach line dances. Her husband does singing. And basically get the crowd moving, which at 1pm in the afternoon - they may need help with.

Of course, now that she is booked - I am second guessing the DJ altogether. Did I go overboard? What is your opinion? If I am nuts, I put a poll in so you can vote. My thought is he is my one and only child. Seven years of praying for him. I might as well enjoy this.

To break it down cost wise:

To go out to dinner with just the Godparents and immediate family, 15 of us total, we estimated it to cost about $500-$600.

The cost of the party - 120 people invited, estimating about 80 people show. Buffet, DJ, hall rental = $500.

So we didn't save money. But we get more bang for the buck. Plus family who have yet to meet Dillon can now come down and meet him. Friends can celebrate with me. Have a good time. Eat, drink and be merry.

Ha... now my fear is that everyone will have plans that weekend and I will be stuck with a hall, food and a DJ and only 30 people who could make it. LOL wouldn't that be funny!

MISSING: Sucky the Ducky - reward if found

Sunday was hectic. I just got through working two busy and hectic nights at work. I was functioning on 10 hours of sleep in two day and of course we had to do the Easter rounds and then I had to go to work again that night.

First stop. Grammy and Grandpa's and then Brunch with my sister and her sons. Get Dillon all decked out in his Easter gear. Show him what the bunny brought him the night before - a bunny-bear. He was not impressed. Then I pack his bag. Change of clothes, diapers, bottles. Sucky the ducky - a Wubanub : a soothie with a stuffed duck. He can not nap without him - it is like an instant off switch b.

We do our thing. Brunch was great. Dillon is fasinated by his cousin Connor and just watches his youthful energy and smiles. We go back to my mom's house and gifts are exchanged for the kids. Grammy got him a Mickey Mouse lovey that Dillon loves and his aunt got him a pair of bunny slippers. Cute.

Then dad gets him ready to go to Grandma's house for dinner. I head off to work. Scott tells me Dillon did great at grandma's, was up the entire time and then when he put him in hte carseat to go home he conked out for the entire night!

Next morning we awake, do our morning thing. Then comes nap time. Umm sucky ducky, where are you. Not in the diaper bag. Not in his crib or swing or sofa or coffee table. No where. Missing. Gone. Oh no. Dillon is NOT liking this. I am not either. So I have to resort to swaying and rocking and everything I can do to get him to sleep. Eventually he doses off an hour later. Not good.

I look one more time all over the house, nothing turns up. I call my Scott and ask him if he knows where it is. Nope. Both grandma's - nope. Crap! I can order another and get it here in 3 days... THREE DAYS. I could get a regular soothie - but he does not like just sucking on the pacifier - he likes the ducks wings and feet too! Crud.

When Scott gets home from work I have him check the house. Maybe he has better eye sight then me. Nothing - still.

9pm comes - the phone rings. It is grandma S - we found him! Eureka!!!! I drive to her house and bring the little suck guy home. All is right with the world again.

Sucka

I have had it in my mind awhile that I wanted to get Dillon's picture professionally, or semi-professionally, done for quite some time. I kind of regret not getting his newborn photos done. Of course, at the time, photos were the last thing on my mind. So I guess I can't beat myself up too badly and even if I could, there isn't a whole lot I can do now.

So I went on line and tried to find the best place to take him. Sears? JC Penny? Olan Mills? The Picture People? Portrait Innovations? Those were my options. I went to each sit online and the best deal, in my opinion, was from Portrait Innovations. No sitting fee, 1 10x13, 2 8x10, 4 5x7, 4 3x5, and 32 wallets all for $9.99. Who could beat that?

I know the whole purpose of the package deal is to draw you in so you will buy more. I also knew they had a CD available with certain packages. So my plan going in was to buy the cheapest package available with the CD so I could print what I wanted at home. I figured I could get by with spending $50 or $60 dollars.

Wrong!

They did such and amazing job. Or I just think my son is the cutest thing in the world LOL. They took about 100 pictures. Had him on about 6 different poses. 3 clothing changes. He did great to start - smiling pretty for the woman and the camera. After a few minutes though he go the look of "Are we done yet ?" on his face. But - guess what... "Are we done yet" faces look good in pictures - so that is okay!

So then we really are done and it is time for me to decide which prints I want. Remember, the whole goal is to just come away with enough of a package to get the CD. So first I pick the one I want for the $9.99 package. The naked picture of him looking like a Gerber baby (in my mind anyway). Done.

Then the sales person (who feeds off a mothers love for a child) starts to make these collages of some photos. She does 3 10x13 images in collage form, plus a CD with the whole photo session and tells me I could have these FREE if I buy prints of every photo pose in every possible size... for just $495. What a deal (sarcasm).

No - I am smart - I am strong.

So now it comes to elimination time. I choose some no brainers to drop. But I took away enough to lose one "freebie"... It's okay, I didn't like that collage anyway. Next, I try to drop a couple more. Oops - one more freebie gone. That leaves 2 collages one with him in the naked pose with his feet and hands and one with his name in blocks - I really liked both and I want the CD.

So if I eliminate more photos, I lose another "freebie". I don't want to lose the CD - that is for sure. Because with the CD I have power to print what I want... But then the 2 collages. Which do I lose. UGGG! NOOOOOO.

The sales person looks at me. She cycles through the two collages and tells me to chose which one I want to lose. She gives me a look of "you are a bad mom if you lose this precious picture of your son"

I walk out of there spending $150 dollars have more photos then any none narcisistic person can handle and I feel defeated. Because I know that with the CD and photoshop knowledge I could have made the collage myself. I could have printed any size photo I wanted. I could have and should have - but I am a SUCKA!

I did talk to a couple of other suckas, umm I mean friends of mine, who told me I got off cheap. Most end up spending $200 plus. So I guess it could have been worse.

He is getting to be so grown up

We are a week away from 4 months.

He seems to be learning more and more each day. His big thing now is that he HATES lying down. I remember just cuddling with him and now he just will not have that. He needs to be up and facing the world to see knew things. He is not interesting in gazing in my eyes anymore. Now he needs to see everything and everyone around him.

He grasps things. His favorite are his two teddy bears. One is a teething teddy, the other a tiny teddy bear rattle. He can place it in his mouth and jiggle it.

He is also coming up with new sounds. He squeals - not quite a laugh - but I guess close.

He is so incredibly happy! He plays in his cribs in the morning until I have a quick cup of coffee and when I go get him there is always a HUGE grin on his face. It melts me every single time. He loves getting naked on the changing table and we talk and he squeals and smiles. Until the pants go back on, then he has a little pout.

The weather warmed up here the past week so we finally took the stroller out for some walks. He slept for it all but for me it was wonderful to get more then a few minutes of fresh air in. I can not wait until it gets consistantly warm!

His four month appointment is not until mid-April. I was waiting for the doctors office to send me his appointment date in the mail, as they said they would. Nothing came. Then one afternoon I got a call from his doctor saying I need to call and book an appointment because her dates are filling up fast??? Umm Okay! So I did and now we have to wait for 2 weeks. Not a big deal really but I am anxious to see his weight and height and to hopefully get the okay to start some solids.

I can not believe how much he has grown these past few months. It is so amazing to me to see him learning new things and so quickly. It is true that they do grow so fast!

I am a theif...

Dillon is growing like a weed lately. His pants are starting to get tight on him. He is still a shorty, but those short little legs are chunky! I decided to go out and find an Easter outfit. I am not pleased with boys clothes, at all. First, stores seem to have 100 different options for girls and only 3 or 4 racks of boy things. Second, what is up with argyle for Easter? Not that it is bad, but I am not into it!
Well, I am now. Because after hours of finding the perfect outfit - argyle won the battle.

Next I have some newborn onsies I needed to return to BRU. So I head across town to do that. Well the receipt I had does not match the onsie package. Umm a white onsie is a white onsie - just take it back will ya! No. I concede to the cashier. Then as I am walking away I say "oh wait, it is on my registry"

"You have 90 days to return stuff from the registry. When was your due date?"...

"Oh." I quickly try to remember what date I put down for my due date. I did an earlier due date to get the completion bonus... Wait he was a preemie who just turned 3 months. "Yep - before 90 days". It was like I won a prize or something. Score 6 bucks coming back to me!

Then I go to check out the clothes. Some cute stuff. None argyle Easter stuff. Why didn't I go here first? So I grab the outfit and some other outfits and find a cute "Baby's first Easter" bib.
I go to pay for everything and as I am walking out the door I notice I am holding the bib in my hand still. "Oh I need to pay for this, I forgot I was holding it" I said to the cashier. No big deal. Done.

Next I go to Target. Some cute T-shirts and a pair of jeans. Then I look for socks. Carters is the only ones that actually stay on his feet. I pick up a pack. I then change my mind about one of the t-shirts and go get some onsies instead. I hate how t-shirts ride up on him when I am holding him.

Done. I go to the cashier and place the socks and onsies on the register. Pay and head to my car. Load DS in the car and then fold up his snap n go... the jeans flung off the handle bar. Oops. I forgot I hung them on the handle bar instead of putting them on the pile of other stuff I had on his car seat.

I looked at him in the car. I looked at the long walk back to the store. Cased the parking lot for police cars... decided I was too tired to grab the baby, unfold the snap n go and go back. I am a thief. I am not proud of my actions, but I did not do it purposefully. I had a brain fart. And I am lazy. Plus you would think everyone I passed on the way out from the store would have noticed and stopped me. It was not like I was hiding it. It was hanging from my snap n go! I also gave myself a dope slap for doing this TWICE today. Wow, it is true that you loose your brain when you become a mother.

As I am typing this the guilt is running though me and I will probably go tomorrow to pay for them. But for today - I am a thief.

And to leave you off, a picture of my accomplice:

Why can't I do anything simple?

So it just occured to me that I have to do things full out rather then just simple and easy.

The purpose of choosing to do a party over something simple like dinner at a local restaurant was supposed to be easy. Because I get the hall for free through work and one of the chefs there offered to cook for me for cost of food and half the labor costs of what a caterer would charge was an easy one to make. After all, taking 12 people out for dinner would cost AT LEAST that amount, if not more. Having dinner at my house wasn't an option since I have to work the night before and won't have time to cook anything. Plus, my house is small. The dining room only seats 4, so it is not meant to be hosting larger dinner parties, or any parties for that matter (yes I am concerned about that come Dillon's birthday time). Plus, since the hall is available and cheaper then other options, I could invite more people and the family members who have yet to meet Dillon can finally meet him.

So simple right, get the hall. The manager told me not to worry about tableclothes or plates or anything. I could use what I needed. But of course, I can not deal with white. White is too boring. I need some color to the hall. So I now need to go out and get tableclothes. Decorations. You name it.
I find the choice of Christening decorations to be pretty plain. So I decided to do a light blue and dark blue combination and found a "God Bless this child" banner so people will know why they were there. Not like they won't know why they are there, but I need something Christening related there.

Next, centerpeices. I can not have a table without centerpeices. Okay, I could. I just don't want to. After all this is the first party I get to host since 2002. I love putting parties together... or do I? I guess the thing is that because I work in the industry, I see a whole lot of parties through the year. I know what I like and take note of it. So to do something simple, just would not do. I have seen simple and simple does not impress me. Yes, we are celebrating a religous event. But who says religous events need to be simple?

So here was my original idea for centerpeices. Candy! There will be at least 10 children there and kids like candy and so do their parents. So I was also going to place scoops at each table so people can take a bag home as a favor. I have seen candy in bowls before and it looks awesome to color up a plain hall. BUT candy in big bowls can cost a lot. 10 tables with bowls of candy... well that can be $$$. More money possibly then I am spending on the meal. So nevermind. Remember - the reason for doing it this way was to SAVE money! So I asked my mother to do flower centerpeices. I will get simple vases at Michaels and dress it up with ribbon and a few bunches of flowers. Then my mom with her flower arrangement skills can put it all together. I'll save the candy idea for later, maybe his graduation party in 2026, people will still like candy then right?

Next, what will people do for 4 hours? They can't just sit around and talk can they? A DJ, I will get a DJ. Wait - DJs cost money. Duh? How's about an iPod playing background music. Good enough. Again, this is supposed to be cheaper then a dinner out.

Invitations, I will make myself on the computer and send them out, although I was looking at some really pretty ones online. Nope, I will not get sucked in.

Food - whatever the chef can make for under $500 for 100 people or less. Which since he has 2 months notice, he can shop the sales and get some good options. All I need to get is a cake. A CAKE - I look online and see cakes shaped as bibles and all these other cool designs... hello - a simple sheet cake will do.

Done - a simple party.

Then of course is his Christening outfit. I had saved my wedding dress so I could make a Chritening gown for a girl. I don't want to use it, I am still holding out for my phantom girl miracle that will not happen, but the dream is still there. (Roll eyes)

So I found the perfect outfit for him. Of course, it is not simple - because I HATE simple and it costs double then what I could buy at JC Penny, but I fell in love with it and need it. And nothing is too good for my one and only child, so all reasoning aside I am getting it. So what he will only wear it once. I will be the crazy mother in law demanding my grandson wear his dad's out dated clothes. Simple.

Dillon's Christening date is set.

It was really the hardest thing we had to do so far. Getting dates that worked for everybody was close to impossible. I wanted to wait until April, when the weather was starting to warm up a bit. My sister, Dillon's Godmother, was not available the last weekend of April. My aunt, also my godmother, really wanted to attend his baptism and she was not available the last week of May. March was out because 2 weekends were booked. So when the church receptionist threw out May 16th, I told her I would have to get back to her once I checked with all the key players. Of course, it turns out to be Godfather Glen's birthday. We double check to make sure he had no plans, and he doesn't. We asked if he minded having it on his birthday and he doesn't. Yay. Done. I call back and confirm the date.

Next, we were deciding on if we should have a celebration or not. It is traditional for my family to party no matter what the event. Scott's family is more laid back. So I decided to leave it up to the reception hall. As you may or may not know, I work for the reception hall.

I call in and ask my boss to check a date for me. When I mentioned it, he said "ut oh", I replied. "No, if it is booked, it is no big deal." He said, "No it is available. It is the only date in May available"

So there you have it, I am having my first big party since my wedding. I expect the guest list will be around 100 people. I have to invite everyone who went to my shower, which was about 50 people. Their spouses and children. Plus Scott's friends who were not at the shower, spouses and children. I am debating on whether to keep it simple with just a light dinner served or if I should do a DJ to keep people entertained. It will be in the afternoon, so I am not sure what to do.

I did find the perfect outfit for Dillon to wear. Now the debate on what size I should order is on. He no doubt will be heavier then he is now, but will he be a full size bigger or even more? He seems to be growing like a weed!

SO I will have a busy next couple of months. Finding decorations, invitations, planning the menu. Now that I think of everything, I kind of wish the hall was booked already! I should have waited a week to check the date. Oh well!

It's 5:30am and I am awake.

Nothing unusual for a mom, I am sure. What is unusual about it is that the baby is sound asleep.

For the last few days Dillon has been waking in his crib and entertaining himself with his mobile. It is great! He played for close to an hour yesterday before I went to get him to give him a bottle. What is not great is that I was paranoid about it. Like he was crying for hours and I soundly slept through it all or something, so he gave up and resorted to entertaining himself. So, at the first sound of him awaking this morning I was up. I checked on him and he was content. So I let him be. Now he drifted back to sleep and I am waiting for his next move.

I lucked out on how easy he is as a baby. He has his cranky moments, but I think I can read him pretty well. He fusses when he is hungry, when he is tired and when he has gas. Other then that he can be entertained by just staring at the ceiling, the lights or just about anything really.

He has taken to cooing lately. He will look up at me and just make this cute little 'ohhh' sound. It melts my heart. I think he is ready to bust out laughing any moment too. I went to dinner over my mom's house this past weekend and his cousins were there. He got the biggest kick out of Connor eating. He was smiling, cooing and half laughing. Hard to explain, but he would bust out this 'hah' sound every now and again. In any event Connor got a kick out of him and vice versa.

We are 1 week away from 3 months. I can not believe how fast it has all gone. It seems like yesterday I was crying none stop because he was in NICU and I was sore and tired and hormonal. In the same token, it seems like it was forever ago. I was looking at pictures of his bruised face the other day and I could not believe that was my baby. He was so tiny and looked so broken. Now, I have this chubby cheeked, 12 pounder (I am guessing).

He is now in 0-3 and 3 month clothes. What sucks is so many people bought him 3-6 month outfits and it is looking like winter will be over before he can fit into them. Of course here in New England we never have much of a spring, so everything except the heaviest of outfits may get some wear. At least I am hoping, the way it has been going with all the snow to the south you never know though.

Could he not be the cutest baby?

I look at him and I just can not stop. He is amazingly cute. So cute you want to eat his chubby little cheeks. When he smiles, my world stops and I would stand on my head and make funny faces just to see it one more time. I am so so in love with this little guy. I wonder if anyone else can see how adorable he is? As much as me? I gush about him and his accomplishments of the week when I am at work. I am the woman I would role my eyes at before I understood all this wonder in watching him grow each day.

His milestone - cooing. He coos at so much right now. He will wake in the morning and stare at his mobile. When I hear him cooing I go in and I get a big smile and a gush of excitement.

Smiling - he has smiled at everyone he has met so far. He smiles at his giraffe. His mom, his dad and his grandmothers. My mom of course needed to point out that he smiled TWICE at her lol

Pushing up on his legs - he tries to move all around when you are holding him. He has good neck control and is so strong.

It is just amazing to me that my little sleeping beauty, who did not wake unless food was calling him, is so alert and strong right now. Oh and he is such a good baby! We hardly here him cry. Gas and hunger are the two triggers. Then he is looking and watching and smiling! He has grown so much in the 11 weeks I have known him. I can not wait for the next 11 weeks or 11 years for that matter!

He also outgrew his newborn stuff and is in to 0-3. So the task of packing up his clothes came and it was HARD. I cried. Then I folded up each little onsie and sleeper and tucked it away. Will this happen with every clothing upgrade?

Two months

I probably should give up this blogging thing since I have been so bad at it. It is just hard to get free time where I am not on the clock to get other things done before Dillon wakes up. I have yet to master one handed typing when I am holding him, which lately has been a lot. It seems he decided the only place he likes to nap is on me!

He is doing wonderfully. He close to doubled his birth weight. He is now 9 pounds and 10 ounces! My chunky monkey!

He got his two month shots yesterday and it broke my heart. The nurses had me hold his hands as they did tandem shots in both legs. As soon as the needles went in, tears welled in his eyes and he gripped my hands tighter. Then he looked at me with a look of terror on his face. I nearly cried myself. When we got home, he was cranky. Pretty much all night he needed to be heard. Now he is sleeping the day away.

He also has thrush and was given medicine for it. I wounder how the medicine will work since I can't seem to get him to keep it in his mouth! Is there a trick to that?

Milestones. None really. He still has not smiled. At least anything I have noticed as a real smile. Sometimes he smirks and does and "Elvis lip" where one side of his mouth will curve. My mom said not to worry, three months is the magic number. I keep seeing pictures of 1-2 month old babies smiling though and wonder what's going on!

He loves his play mat. He can sit there for a long time just kicking his legs and reaching for toys. The other day I had thought he may have it in him to turn himself over, he was reaching so hard for an elephant. Then he got frustrated and that ended.

I went back to work. It is hard to mix the baby and work. I have been exhausted! Luckily Scott is a huge help and still takes over when he gets home from work for a couple of hours so I can nap. We had a few day stretch of Dillon sleeping 6-7 hours. But the last few days he has been back to 3 hours.

Now we need to establish some type of routine for our family. Scott stopped going to the gym after work to help me. I stopped doing errands in the afternoons because I did not want to take Dillon out too much before his vaccines. Well, I'll let you know how we do with that next time!

Six Weeks

Both Dillon and I had our 6 week appointment yesterday. I double booked and was worried we would not pull it off, but all went smoothly.

First, his appointment. His doctors office is only 5 minutes from my house, so I packed him and all his stuff up and hit the road. We got there early, I was hoping that if I was early they would take us early. That backfired and all it meant was that I got to spend extra time in the waiting room (a shared waiting room with other doctors in the building) with some woman who was 2 eggs short of a dozen. She was going on and on about how she is not allowed to get to close to people, how all she wants is to give love, that her doctor doesn't like it when she gives love, so she won't.

Of course, that made me pull Dillon close to me and pray a little that she does not notice him. Well, she did. She came up slowly and asked to see him. I told her he was sleeping but she could peak in, but not to touch to wake him. My heart was pounding. Luckily, she did just peak and then went on her way. Phew. Scary.

Then the doctor called us in. Every time they call Dillon it is surreal, "oh yeah, that is us". Off we go to get weighed, the major reason for the appointment. 8 pounds, 1 ounce. 19.5 inches long. My big boy, close to double his weight since birth! Heart check, a quick look over. We set up our 2 month appointment for shots and the doctor tells me to give him a half a dose of Tylenol before the appointment to help with the shots. Done.

Time check. 1 hour to go to get to my appointment which is 15 minutes away. Just enough time to get a quick bite to eat and feed him before my appointment. So we head in. We get to the little cafe in the building my doctor is located and I get a sandwich and some hot water to warm Dillon's bottle. I eat and wait for Dillon to wake - nothing. He is enjoying the stroll and car ride. I look at my watch and we have a 1/2 hour so I decide to let him sleep and I will head up and check in. Then I will feed him as we wait.

In the waiting room he gets a little cranky, I take him out and begin to feed him. Next thing you know they call me. Great. They are never early! So I stick him in his seat and as he is screaming for more food. The nurse weighs me, takes my blood pressure, all while Dillon is screaming. I'm sweating at this point. "Please baby boy just wait a few minutes". Surprisingly my blood pressure is low!

The nurse tells me to take my pants off and hands me a gown, then leaves. I strip down really quick then grab Dillon and his bottle. Hoping the doctor will be her usual slow self. Thankfully she was and I got to get about 4 ounces in him and a sizable burp. As she comes in a stick him back in the stroller. He was calm again!

The doctor checks my tear, healed perfect. Then we discuss birth control. I told her we were playing everything by ear and what ever will be will be. She also asks me if I will do IVF for a second. I told her at this point it was unlikely. Finances are not on our side to afford 2 kids and pay off more IVF payments.

She ended the appointment with saying that she knew she will see me again. I wish I was that confident. I am not going to bank on miracles. Scott and I will enjoy what we have and enjoy ourselves - What ever will be, will be. I am fortunate enough for one healthy little guy. Not our ideal family, but I can not let infertility control my life anymore, it took too much of it to begin with. All I can do is be thankful to come out ahead. For that I am thankful and fortunate. With that we left the OB office for maybe the last time. (Notice how after that whole speech I still have to put a maybe in there?)

So now pictures, a then and now 1 month comparison:
He is getting chubby cheeks!

Oh I am a bad blogger!

Wow. Sorry for no updates. Life has been hectic getting used to this mommy thing and I am loving it!
Dillon is the best little one in the world. He is so calm. For the most part he cries when he is hungry or needs his diaper changed. He sleeps A LOT, but never at the times mommy wants him to sleep. Eventually we will get into a routine, but right now, I am just following his lead.
He has gained a ton of weight since coming home. His last appointment he was an ounce away from 7 pounds. I am convinced he is 8 pounds now, although H does not think so yet.
I am sure you want pictures. SO here they finally are. Yes, you guessed it these are last months additions. I promise now that I am getting more used to this to be better in updating, and pictures!

Dillon in NICU:

Coming Home: