It has been a year

I meant to post something on the day Dillon was conceived marking the anniversary of the end of my long journey. I got caught up in working overtime and dealing with a teething and grumpy 4 month old instead.

I wanted to post the pictures of the three embryos I had transfered back into me. Turns out they are gone. The day of my transfer last year, I took the picture and tucked it away. The picture of the embryos were always so hard to look at after a failed cycle. I figured I would save myself from that pain if I just hid them. Apparently, I hid them pretty well. They are no where to be found now. We cleared out the office when we were putting the nursery together. Threw out a lot of things collecting dust. One might have been the book I tucked the photos into.

So the first picture of Dillon is missing. But I have Dillon and all 100 u/s pictures starting at week 7 and ending two days before his birth. I guess that is more then "normal" parents have. So I will take it.

I can not believe the ending of my long and winding road brought me here. It is challenging at times. I am tired beyond belief and there is no relief as it always catches back up to you. But I am over the moon happy. Happier then I imagined I could be. When he smiles at me. When he laughs. When he grips onto my shirt and won't let go. That is worth the million tears I shed.

One year off the road of heartbreak. One year. Yet so many people I traveled with are still on the road. I am not sure if any of you still read this blog. I know I wouldn't be had I still been on the road you are on. If you do, know you are still in my heart. Know I think of you daily. Follow you, sometimes silently on the Infertility boards. I wish your year next year will be filled with tons of u/s pictures, smiles, baby laughs and grips of your shirt. Don't ever give up!