Sunday, December 6, 2009

Monster in law strikes again

For the past week I have had to listen to her complaining about how she has yet to see "her baby". I have not even been able to hold MY baby for more then an hour at a time and YOU need to bitch and complain about how because of the strict NICU guidelines of only letting parents in, how you can not see him. I am worried about him keeping food down and getting strong enough to come home, but let me stop everything and listen to you whine and feel sorry for YOU.

Next, and this is a biggy. You think the choice of godfather is all wrong so why not manipulate to get what YOU want!

Here is the back story:

My FIL passed away 5 months ago, as you may remember. MIL lives with her 43 year old socially inept (to put it mildly) son R, who can not take care of himself because his mother and father have cooked every meal, done every load of laundry and paid every bill you have EVER had.

When my husband and I were deciding on who would be a good fit for godparenting roles we decided that the best fit would be his other brother G. First off, G is a responsible adult, takes care of himself and would be a wonderful roll model in our child's life. He is wonderful with children, and everything we want for our son. Also, Scott and G are close and that was important to me as someone who will continuously be in my child's life. We are happy with our choice.

So on Thanksgiving Scott thought it would be a great time to talk to G about having him be the godfather. G was THRILLED and honored and accepted the role. We announced it to the family (MIL and R were there). Enough said.

Flash forward to a little over a week later. Dillon is now here. 7 days old.

Scott gets a call from G saying he thinks the better choice would be R for a godfather and although he is honored, he does not want to accept the role! So Scott talks to him further and this is what comes out of his mouth "Well R has taken dads death pretty hard, so I think having him be godfather will lift his spirits"

WHAT????

I am sorry but I am sure all the brothers took the death of the father hard. I also think since R lives with his mother, he may have taken it harder because he was centered on the father being around and also needs to deal with his mothers emotions. BUT having him be godfather is not something to cheer someone up with! It is a commitment and responsibility. Plus, he is and always will be an uncle. If that alone can not cheer him up - well sorry you need to get into some type of grief counseling. Your father was sick for a very long time, he passed away and it is horrible and sad and cruel, but life does go on for the living. Yes, he is missed by all of us. I wish Dillon could have been able to meet is grandfather, but he is not a tool to cheer people up.

Now, why I am blaming my MIL in all of this... The same exact thing happened when Scott was deciding who would be best man for our wedding. He chose his best friend K. For months we listened to his mother say the right thing would be to have her son R be the best man (How so? Scott and R do not even talk to each other). Blah Blah. We are talking serious pressure on Scott to change his mind. So I can totally picture the ride home on Thanksgiving (G was driving) and her going on and on about the "right thing" being R as the godfather. Giving G the guilt trip and making him feel guilty and placing him in the middle of everything.

So Scott tells me all this and I lost it. Totally and completely lost it, I was in NICU and I think I was too loud, because a nurse popped her head in. I told him in no uncertain terms that if G backs out on being a godfather then we will not have ANY godfather. I will not be manipulated!

7 days. Dillon has been here for 7 days and already the drama will not stop. I am stressed and tired and we will create boundaries. Scott does not need this shit, I do not need this shit, so enough already!!!

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On a happier front, Dillon did well on his feeds yesterday. He had pulled his feeding tube out the night before 3 times, so I had a talk with him and said he would not need that thing if he just eats more. So it appeared he listened because he went the whole day without it being replaced.

He is on the schedule for his circ. on Monday. The doctor will not set a hard day for him to come home. I will not set a hard day for him to come home (we had 2 dates so far that have come and gone). Let's just say, they require you to remain in the hospital for 1 day after a circ. - So he will be home soon!

Dillon after ripping out his feeding tube for the third time Friday:

2 comments:

Damsel in need of De-Stress! said...

YES!....set those bounderies and set them hard!...your mother in law seems like a real piece of work. Just make sure that your husband is on board with you for EVERYTHING....if he is not on your side, you will be fighting a losing battle.

Hugs to you and your little one!

LilVic said...

Never ceases to amaze me how self centred people can be... I feel for you!!!

Hang in there girl!