Travel

Scott and I love to travel. We just got back from our official last vacation a week ago. Nothing special, just a trip out to Santa Monica to visit my sister and see a Red Sox game in Anehiem. We will not be able to afford any thing else in the near future because now all our "fun money" is going towards IVF.

So, a friend of ours got back from a vacation in Europe last week as well. We saw her last night and she excitedly told us about her trip and was showing us pictures. Scott turns to me and says "if we don't have a baby, I think we should go to France and England for our next vacation"
My heart sunk. Like a consolation prize to not having a baby would be to travel to Europe. Then I think about it some more and I always wanted to go to Paris, and I get excited. Then feel guilty for feeling excited. That maybe travel could be a consolation prized I could live with... ?

So many mixed emotions. We have a few shots at IVF and I want to remain positive, but if I do will I be heart broken? Maybe I should start researching Europe and put so much energy into that, like I have with having a baby so then that can be my big disappointment when it doesn't come true - Does that make sence?

But then I think at least with Europe, we could go in 18 or 19 years, with having a baby if it does not happen now we are out for good. There is no turning back.

My ideal trip would be to Disney World with my little princess or pirate! That is what I really want. Not some consolation prize. Ugg!