Wow

Well Dillon is one year and I have slacked completely with this blog. Mostly because I know the majority of followers were because of infertility and the last thing they need is to read about a baby and how he coos, smiles and keeps me up all night.

On the coo front, for those who are curious... Dillon is amazing and learns so much each day. He has 4-5 words. Can almost walk, but is afraid to let go. And gets into almost everything with a little mischievous grin. I never knew this love and my heart beams each day.

For the reason I am posting. Now. I was reading a fellow blog, someone who got pregnant the same time as me. Someone who like me, was 1 and done. Someone like me who had given up the possibility of becoming pregnant without the aid of fertility treatment. And someone unlike me who just discovered she was miraculously pregnant with a surprise BFP.

It hurt.

It brought up many more emotions then I thought I had inside. I thought I was over this all. I thought I could live very happily spoiling my little man. Giving him all the love I could give 3 children. I cried as I read her blog.

I am thrilled for her. She is the miracle that we all want to be. In the same vane, I think why not me. Then I kick myself saying HELLO you are tired as is, imagine 2 kids. Then I look at all the girl clothes...

Maybe I am not ready to be one and done. But I need to be ready to be one and done. I was thinking about asking my OB for a seasonal pill because I hate getting periods, and let's face it why go through with monthly PMS when there is no need to. But now I am not convinced I should do that.

I was so sure, and now I am no longer sure. I want a miracle too. Why not me?