I tested today.

And I saw the sight I have seen so many million times before. A stark white pee stick. Nada nothing. Thanks for playing - but you lose.

I called Scott at work and all he could say was "They told you not to test for a reason - just wait until Friday" Well I know and you all know that 12dp3dt or other wise known as 15dpo I should have gotten a pretty accurate result. So it is done. Of course there are things that are making me doubt the accuracy, I have lived in the land of denial for a long time. Until AF shows, it isn't over and all that crap. I didn't use FMU. I held my urine though, but maybe not long enough? Maybe I got a defective test? Maybe this brand of test is not as sensitive as others I should have bought - never buy the ones on sale damn it! Maybe they implanted late? Maybe Scott is right???

I cried for a second, but I feel mostly numb. I have looked at this test at every different angle and for far longer then the advised 10 minutes and am convincing myself that there is a light line there - Of course after 10 minutes, there might be. But I know it took longer then the 10 to show up, which means null and void. An evap and nothing more.

I really don't know how I should react to this. I guess I am pretty used to this sight and this feeling. I thought it would hurt more then it does, but it had never been. Never for close to 6 years now. So that feeling of distraught is replaced by anger and disbelief. I will jump on the horse again. I have a snow baby as well.

This is only strike one - I have two more at bats.