It has been a year

I meant to post something on the day Dillon was conceived marking the anniversary of the end of my long journey. I got caught up in working overtime and dealing with a teething and grumpy 4 month old instead.

I wanted to post the pictures of the three embryos I had transfered back into me. Turns out they are gone. The day of my transfer last year, I took the picture and tucked it away. The picture of the embryos were always so hard to look at after a failed cycle. I figured I would save myself from that pain if I just hid them. Apparently, I hid them pretty well. They are no where to be found now. We cleared out the office when we were putting the nursery together. Threw out a lot of things collecting dust. One might have been the book I tucked the photos into.

So the first picture of Dillon is missing. But I have Dillon and all 100 u/s pictures starting at week 7 and ending two days before his birth. I guess that is more then "normal" parents have. So I will take it.

I can not believe the ending of my long and winding road brought me here. It is challenging at times. I am tired beyond belief and there is no relief as it always catches back up to you. But I am over the moon happy. Happier then I imagined I could be. When he smiles at me. When he laughs. When he grips onto my shirt and won't let go. That is worth the million tears I shed.

One year off the road of heartbreak. One year. Yet so many people I traveled with are still on the road. I am not sure if any of you still read this blog. I know I wouldn't be had I still been on the road you are on. If you do, know you are still in my heart. Know I think of you daily. Follow you, sometimes silently on the Infertility boards. I wish your year next year will be filled with tons of u/s pictures, smiles, baby laughs and grips of your shirt. Don't ever give up!

Done...well almost

So my first big party as a mommy is almost set up. And I went overboard. I admit it. What started off as simple snowballed and then kept gaining speed as it went down the hill.

From a casual meal with 15 of our closest family to now 120 invited guests, a buffet meal and now a DJ. So much for saving money having a party.

The purpose of the DJ. I just did not know how else to keep 100 people entertained for 3-4 hours. And shouldn't they have more to do then gush over a baby when they come? Or shouldn't I have a buffer so I didn't have to go around and be the hostess with the mostest the entire time.

So as the weeks went on I was going back and forth. Then 2 nights ago, I saw an old friend of mine who used to DJ for fun. I asked him how much he could do an afternoon party for. The price, not bad, but not great for what he would do - basically play an iPod and use big speakers. So I told him I would think about it. Then last night, when I worked I asked the DJ at the bar how much she would charge. She told me her price - ouch! So I said no, I had someone who offered me a lower price, but I rather he not do the party... Then she did what I was not expecting her to do... she met me at the price the iPod guy gave me. Score!

She is really entertaining. She will teach line dances. Her husband does singing. And basically get the crowd moving, which at 1pm in the afternoon - they may need help with.

Of course, now that she is booked - I am second guessing the DJ altogether. Did I go overboard? What is your opinion? If I am nuts, I put a poll in so you can vote. My thought is he is my one and only child. Seven years of praying for him. I might as well enjoy this.

To break it down cost wise:

To go out to dinner with just the Godparents and immediate family, 15 of us total, we estimated it to cost about $500-$600.

The cost of the party - 120 people invited, estimating about 80 people show. Buffet, DJ, hall rental = $500.

So we didn't save money. But we get more bang for the buck. Plus family who have yet to meet Dillon can now come down and meet him. Friends can celebrate with me. Have a good time. Eat, drink and be merry.

Ha... now my fear is that everyone will have plans that weekend and I will be stuck with a hall, food and a DJ and only 30 people who could make it. LOL wouldn't that be funny!

MISSING: Sucky the Ducky - reward if found

Sunday was hectic. I just got through working two busy and hectic nights at work. I was functioning on 10 hours of sleep in two day and of course we had to do the Easter rounds and then I had to go to work again that night.

First stop. Grammy and Grandpa's and then Brunch with my sister and her sons. Get Dillon all decked out in his Easter gear. Show him what the bunny brought him the night before - a bunny-bear. He was not impressed. Then I pack his bag. Change of clothes, diapers, bottles. Sucky the ducky - a Wubanub : a soothie with a stuffed duck. He can not nap without him - it is like an instant off switch b.

We do our thing. Brunch was great. Dillon is fasinated by his cousin Connor and just watches his youthful energy and smiles. We go back to my mom's house and gifts are exchanged for the kids. Grammy got him a Mickey Mouse lovey that Dillon loves and his aunt got him a pair of bunny slippers. Cute.

Then dad gets him ready to go to Grandma's house for dinner. I head off to work. Scott tells me Dillon did great at grandma's, was up the entire time and then when he put him in hte carseat to go home he conked out for the entire night!

Next morning we awake, do our morning thing. Then comes nap time. Umm sucky ducky, where are you. Not in the diaper bag. Not in his crib or swing or sofa or coffee table. No where. Missing. Gone. Oh no. Dillon is NOT liking this. I am not either. So I have to resort to swaying and rocking and everything I can do to get him to sleep. Eventually he doses off an hour later. Not good.

I look one more time all over the house, nothing turns up. I call my Scott and ask him if he knows where it is. Nope. Both grandma's - nope. Crap! I can order another and get it here in 3 days... THREE DAYS. I could get a regular soothie - but he does not like just sucking on the pacifier - he likes the ducks wings and feet too! Crud.

When Scott gets home from work I have him check the house. Maybe he has better eye sight then me. Nothing - still.

9pm comes - the phone rings. It is grandma S - we found him! Eureka!!!! I drive to her house and bring the little suck guy home. All is right with the world again.

Sucka

I have had it in my mind awhile that I wanted to get Dillon's picture professionally, or semi-professionally, done for quite some time. I kind of regret not getting his newborn photos done. Of course, at the time, photos were the last thing on my mind. So I guess I can't beat myself up too badly and even if I could, there isn't a whole lot I can do now.

So I went on line and tried to find the best place to take him. Sears? JC Penny? Olan Mills? The Picture People? Portrait Innovations? Those were my options. I went to each sit online and the best deal, in my opinion, was from Portrait Innovations. No sitting fee, 1 10x13, 2 8x10, 4 5x7, 4 3x5, and 32 wallets all for $9.99. Who could beat that?

I know the whole purpose of the package deal is to draw you in so you will buy more. I also knew they had a CD available with certain packages. So my plan going in was to buy the cheapest package available with the CD so I could print what I wanted at home. I figured I could get by with spending $50 or $60 dollars.

Wrong!

They did such and amazing job. Or I just think my son is the cutest thing in the world LOL. They took about 100 pictures. Had him on about 6 different poses. 3 clothing changes. He did great to start - smiling pretty for the woman and the camera. After a few minutes though he go the look of "Are we done yet ?" on his face. But - guess what... "Are we done yet" faces look good in pictures - so that is okay!

So then we really are done and it is time for me to decide which prints I want. Remember, the whole goal is to just come away with enough of a package to get the CD. So first I pick the one I want for the $9.99 package. The naked picture of him looking like a Gerber baby (in my mind anyway). Done.

Then the sales person (who feeds off a mothers love for a child) starts to make these collages of some photos. She does 3 10x13 images in collage form, plus a CD with the whole photo session and tells me I could have these FREE if I buy prints of every photo pose in every possible size... for just $495. What a deal (sarcasm).

No - I am smart - I am strong.

So now it comes to elimination time. I choose some no brainers to drop. But I took away enough to lose one "freebie"... It's okay, I didn't like that collage anyway. Next, I try to drop a couple more. Oops - one more freebie gone. That leaves 2 collages one with him in the naked pose with his feet and hands and one with his name in blocks - I really liked both and I want the CD.

So if I eliminate more photos, I lose another "freebie". I don't want to lose the CD - that is for sure. Because with the CD I have power to print what I want... But then the 2 collages. Which do I lose. UGGG! NOOOOOO.

The sales person looks at me. She cycles through the two collages and tells me to chose which one I want to lose. She gives me a look of "you are a bad mom if you lose this precious picture of your son"

I walk out of there spending $150 dollars have more photos then any none narcisistic person can handle and I feel defeated. Because I know that with the CD and photoshop knowledge I could have made the collage myself. I could have printed any size photo I wanted. I could have and should have - but I am a SUCKA!

I did talk to a couple of other suckas, umm I mean friends of mine, who told me I got off cheap. Most end up spending $200 plus. So I guess it could have been worse.

He is getting to be so grown up

We are a week away from 4 months.

He seems to be learning more and more each day. His big thing now is that he HATES lying down. I remember just cuddling with him and now he just will not have that. He needs to be up and facing the world to see knew things. He is not interesting in gazing in my eyes anymore. Now he needs to see everything and everyone around him.

He grasps things. His favorite are his two teddy bears. One is a teething teddy, the other a tiny teddy bear rattle. He can place it in his mouth and jiggle it.

He is also coming up with new sounds. He squeals - not quite a laugh - but I guess close.

He is so incredibly happy! He plays in his cribs in the morning until I have a quick cup of coffee and when I go get him there is always a HUGE grin on his face. It melts me every single time. He loves getting naked on the changing table and we talk and he squeals and smiles. Until the pants go back on, then he has a little pout.

The weather warmed up here the past week so we finally took the stroller out for some walks. He slept for it all but for me it was wonderful to get more then a few minutes of fresh air in. I can not wait until it gets consistantly warm!

His four month appointment is not until mid-April. I was waiting for the doctors office to send me his appointment date in the mail, as they said they would. Nothing came. Then one afternoon I got a call from his doctor saying I need to call and book an appointment because her dates are filling up fast??? Umm Okay! So I did and now we have to wait for 2 weeks. Not a big deal really but I am anxious to see his weight and height and to hopefully get the okay to start some solids.

I can not believe how much he has grown these past few months. It is so amazing to me to see him learning new things and so quickly. It is true that they do grow so fast!

I am a theif...

Dillon is growing like a weed lately. His pants are starting to get tight on him. He is still a shorty, but those short little legs are chunky! I decided to go out and find an Easter outfit. I am not pleased with boys clothes, at all. First, stores seem to have 100 different options for girls and only 3 or 4 racks of boy things. Second, what is up with argyle for Easter? Not that it is bad, but I am not into it!
Well, I am now. Because after hours of finding the perfect outfit - argyle won the battle.

Next I have some newborn onsies I needed to return to BRU. So I head across town to do that. Well the receipt I had does not match the onsie package. Umm a white onsie is a white onsie - just take it back will ya! No. I concede to the cashier. Then as I am walking away I say "oh wait, it is on my registry"

"You have 90 days to return stuff from the registry. When was your due date?"...

"Oh." I quickly try to remember what date I put down for my due date. I did an earlier due date to get the completion bonus... Wait he was a preemie who just turned 3 months. "Yep - before 90 days". It was like I won a prize or something. Score 6 bucks coming back to me!

Then I go to check out the clothes. Some cute stuff. None argyle Easter stuff. Why didn't I go here first? So I grab the outfit and some other outfits and find a cute "Baby's first Easter" bib.
I go to pay for everything and as I am walking out the door I notice I am holding the bib in my hand still. "Oh I need to pay for this, I forgot I was holding it" I said to the cashier. No big deal. Done.

Next I go to Target. Some cute T-shirts and a pair of jeans. Then I look for socks. Carters is the only ones that actually stay on his feet. I pick up a pack. I then change my mind about one of the t-shirts and go get some onsies instead. I hate how t-shirts ride up on him when I am holding him.

Done. I go to the cashier and place the socks and onsies on the register. Pay and head to my car. Load DS in the car and then fold up his snap n go... the jeans flung off the handle bar. Oops. I forgot I hung them on the handle bar instead of putting them on the pile of other stuff I had on his car seat.

I looked at him in the car. I looked at the long walk back to the store. Cased the parking lot for police cars... decided I was too tired to grab the baby, unfold the snap n go and go back. I am a thief. I am not proud of my actions, but I did not do it purposefully. I had a brain fart. And I am lazy. Plus you would think everyone I passed on the way out from the store would have noticed and stopped me. It was not like I was hiding it. It was hanging from my snap n go! I also gave myself a dope slap for doing this TWICE today. Wow, it is true that you loose your brain when you become a mother.

As I am typing this the guilt is running though me and I will probably go tomorrow to pay for them. But for today - I am a thief.

And to leave you off, a picture of my accomplice:

Why can't I do anything simple?

So it just occured to me that I have to do things full out rather then just simple and easy.

The purpose of choosing to do a party over something simple like dinner at a local restaurant was supposed to be easy. Because I get the hall for free through work and one of the chefs there offered to cook for me for cost of food and half the labor costs of what a caterer would charge was an easy one to make. After all, taking 12 people out for dinner would cost AT LEAST that amount, if not more. Having dinner at my house wasn't an option since I have to work the night before and won't have time to cook anything. Plus, my house is small. The dining room only seats 4, so it is not meant to be hosting larger dinner parties, or any parties for that matter (yes I am concerned about that come Dillon's birthday time). Plus, since the hall is available and cheaper then other options, I could invite more people and the family members who have yet to meet Dillon can finally meet him.

So simple right, get the hall. The manager told me not to worry about tableclothes or plates or anything. I could use what I needed. But of course, I can not deal with white. White is too boring. I need some color to the hall. So I now need to go out and get tableclothes. Decorations. You name it.
I find the choice of Christening decorations to be pretty plain. So I decided to do a light blue and dark blue combination and found a "God Bless this child" banner so people will know why they were there. Not like they won't know why they are there, but I need something Christening related there.

Next, centerpeices. I can not have a table without centerpeices. Okay, I could. I just don't want to. After all this is the first party I get to host since 2002. I love putting parties together... or do I? I guess the thing is that because I work in the industry, I see a whole lot of parties through the year. I know what I like and take note of it. So to do something simple, just would not do. I have seen simple and simple does not impress me. Yes, we are celebrating a religous event. But who says religous events need to be simple?

So here was my original idea for centerpeices. Candy! There will be at least 10 children there and kids like candy and so do their parents. So I was also going to place scoops at each table so people can take a bag home as a favor. I have seen candy in bowls before and it looks awesome to color up a plain hall. BUT candy in big bowls can cost a lot. 10 tables with bowls of candy... well that can be $$$. More money possibly then I am spending on the meal. So nevermind. Remember - the reason for doing it this way was to SAVE money! So I asked my mother to do flower centerpeices. I will get simple vases at Michaels and dress it up with ribbon and a few bunches of flowers. Then my mom with her flower arrangement skills can put it all together. I'll save the candy idea for later, maybe his graduation party in 2026, people will still like candy then right?

Next, what will people do for 4 hours? They can't just sit around and talk can they? A DJ, I will get a DJ. Wait - DJs cost money. Duh? How's about an iPod playing background music. Good enough. Again, this is supposed to be cheaper then a dinner out.

Invitations, I will make myself on the computer and send them out, although I was looking at some really pretty ones online. Nope, I will not get sucked in.

Food - whatever the chef can make for under $500 for 100 people or less. Which since he has 2 months notice, he can shop the sales and get some good options. All I need to get is a cake. A CAKE - I look online and see cakes shaped as bibles and all these other cool designs... hello - a simple sheet cake will do.

Done - a simple party.

Then of course is his Christening outfit. I had saved my wedding dress so I could make a Chritening gown for a girl. I don't want to use it, I am still holding out for my phantom girl miracle that will not happen, but the dream is still there. (Roll eyes)

So I found the perfect outfit for him. Of course, it is not simple - because I HATE simple and it costs double then what I could buy at JC Penny, but I fell in love with it and need it. And nothing is too good for my one and only child, so all reasoning aside I am getting it. So what he will only wear it once. I will be the crazy mother in law demanding my grandson wear his dad's out dated clothes. Simple.